I am not a number. I am a free man.

I move that we stop calling grades in law school "grades".  It's a term that is technically correct, but what is important about them--their essence--is how they translate into numbers.  And as such we should just call them that--"numbers".  Not to sound synical or bitter, because I'm actually happy with my numbers. 

It's just that now we've entered the beginning of the On Campus Interview ("OCI") part of the law school process.  For those not familiar, the OCI is where law firms come on campus and interview students (mostly 2L's) and hire them for the following summer.  The students and the firms use that summer to sort of get a feel for each other and if both sides feel like it's a match, they are in a good position for employment after the third year of law school.  Both sides win.  But at the beginning of the process (right now for me), it is very daunting.  And it feels like one of the biggest factors in getting an interview with any firm is your numbers--your GPA, class rank, and whether you're in the top 10%, 20%, 25%, or what-have-you-%.  And it's hard to not think that a lot of the grading process is there to put people in order of most likely to be hired to least likely. 

Maybe that's a synical way to think of things, but that's how it feels sometimes.  But there is more to me than my numbers.  I hope I can make that pretty clear from my resume and cover letter.  We'll see, I guess. 

The sad truth of it is that I should get used to it.  If I get hired to a firm, I will likely have to account for my time through billable hours, which will go a long way in determining whether I get a bonus, whether I'm on track to become a partner, and probably other things that I'm not thinking about at the moment.  And if I don't go the firm route, there's still caseload requirements and other numbers that account for your productivity and success in cases.  So, it's not like this is a law firm "problem".

What's going to be key for me is not letting the numbers mean more than they should. 

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Speaking of numbers, can we talk about what sabermetrics has done to the game of softball? 

I play in a softball league on Tuesday nights.  This league is sponsored by the Bar Association, so it's played mostly be attorneys and folks who work in the legal field.  Many of these players are young and like sports.  In other words, young people who work in an industry that closely examines rules and procedures and figure out the most advantageous way to work within those rules and proceudures.  Introduce sabermetrics and its appreciation of the value of a walk and you have chaos.  People saying things like, "Walks as good as a hit."  I mean, yes, that's true, but a walk isn't as fun as a hit.  And it's way less sporting when you're playing people who aren't professional ballplayers. 

Look, I'm a por-sabermetrics guy.  I love me some WAR and ERA+, and the many other numbers they've come up with to measure the effectiveness of professional baseball players.  But, seriously, walks have no place in a recreational game of softball.  Get up there and swing people.

Unless they're really bad pitches...which happens, I guess. 

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I've continued posting the gumshoe stories at this blog.  I'm up through what was part X.  Thanks if you have been re-reading these, or reading them for the first time.  I really do appreciate it.
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Strikes and Gutters man.

It has been a while since I've given a substantive update, but honestly there's probably not a lot to catch you up on. 
Gumshoe #3 and #4 are both up at the new blog.  The editing of the old story is going pretty well.  I'm not changing much of the story, just some things I find that don't quite fit or don't work.  Mostly, I'm adding material now that I know exactly where I'm heading.  I really liked the way I did it the first time, because at some points I would just decide to go a different way and make a sudden change.  That kept it interesting for me, but it may have come at the price of not being as coherent and understandable as I would've hoped for.  Anyway, I think I'm fixing a lot of that now.  AND, I'm working on the second story now.  I'm writing it up in much the same way as I did the first, but without subjecting the reader to the less coherent part.  The second story will likely be smaller than the first, but I'm liking the way it's reading and the story I think I'm telling.  We'll see.
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I did not make law review, which I am surprised and disappointed by.  I really thought I wrote a great note and I did the best I could with the citations, which are admittedly not my favorite thing in the world.  It turns out it wasn't good enough.  That's been tough to accept. 
This 1L year has been a real test for me in a lot of ways, as I'm sure you could surmise from reading any number of posts here.  My confidence in my ability to write, to think, to learn, to communicate, and to belong all felt as though they were under attack at different points of the year.  Some days I felt certain I knew what I was doing and where I was going, but many more days I felt like I had no idea if I could do what was expected of me.  I worried about keeping my scholarship, of making friends, of not looking like a fool or a gunner, and mostly of failing.  See, for a long time I worked in an office doing stuff I knew I could do--stuff I didn't have to try that hard to stay on top of.  But law school, and being an attorney, it's different.  I think I can do this.  I think I can even do this well.  But, I don't know that for sure.  And every day in law school felt like I had to tell myself that I could do it, even when most days I didn't quite believe that.  By the end I was tired and, while I never questioned whether this is where I want to be, I did wonder if I would be able to get charged up for next year.
But now that the grades are in and this law review test is over, it's done.  The 1L year is completely over.  And while I consider it a positive experience, I'm happy it's over.  I'm ready to start working on the things I came to law school for.  And the first thing on that list is my student certification.*  I talked to the people at school and found out they are sending my materials to the Minnesota Supreme Court to get approval, which I'm hoping happens in 8 days or less (you know to avoid the state shutdown).  My clerkship has been a really interesting time, but one of the biggest plusses it has going for it is the ability to work as a certified student attorney.  Now, that doesn't mean my doubts go away, of course.  I'm not naive enough to think that just because I am called a 2L instead of a 1L means I have settled all the doubts this past year raised and magnified.
But something did change.  I made it through a year of this.  I can do it.  And I think after getting some hands-on experience this summer, I feel like I can do this well.  It's not quite like knowing I can do it, because there's always going to be a challenge to this.  There's always going to be another test in one form or another.  But that's exactly why I'm here. 
My batteries aren't quite recharged and ready for another year, but I know for sure they will be.
I know expressing self-satisfaction on the internet is a dangerous thing and it opens you up to mockery, but I have to say, I'm really proud of myself.  I took on a challenge here and I've given it a really good effort.  And I have done better than I would've guessed (which isn't always better than I expect, oddly enough). 
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Family.  Ugh.  Father's Day had not been a fun time of year for me since my dad decided to leave my mom a few years back.  Honestly, it's been enough years that I really should be over this, but I am not.  It doesn't help that my dad and I cannot talk about the way things went down.  It seems that part of my agreeing not to be estranged was agreeing that we would act as if nothing happened.  Which is uncomofortable.
And which really hiders our relationship from being anything more than a facade.  Mostly I think it's better than not talking to him, or openly arguing with him.  But more than that, I just wish we could have a good relationship.  It would be nice. 
I remember right after my parents split up, I went to a psychiatrist.  And after Father's Day of that year, I went in for our scheduled appointment and complained about the crappiness between my father and I.  I think I said something about how it seemed like everyone got to have a good relationship and I got this.  And he just asked me what I thought he'd been hearing from the rest of his patients all day. 
Yeah.  Perpective is a nice thing.
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*Note 1.  For those who might not be familiar, a lot of states, Minnesota included, allow law students who have certain minimum standard grades and credits to work under the supervision of licensed attorneys.  This means the students can appear in front of a court, draft and sign breifs to the court, and such. 

Second Installment of the Gumshoe is up...

And here's the link to prove it.

Gumshoe Blog is up!

That's right, as I mentioned last post, I've got a new blog devoted to the Gumshoe stories. I will continue to post links here and I'll put them on facebook.
The first posts will be the original story that is still available here, BUT with more content--and better grammar and spelling! Can't beat that deal.

Just a couple thoughts....an announcment (that's not terribly exciting) and some pondering

I didn't mean to go so long without posting, but it's been a busy time. But when I've gone this long without posting, you know what that means--mega-post.

All right, first. I joined facebook. I know, I know. Everyone's first reaction is, what does that mean for everything here at wheresthetrashcan? Well, it means nothing, really. I intend to keep blogging, because while I've enjoyed my first few days of facebook, I think it's not going to allow me the comfort to express myself as fully as I've enjoyed here.

And in case you thought joining facebook would mean less blogging, I'm here to say I think it might mean more blogging. In fact, I'm going to start working on a new blog just for my Gumshoe stories. And I'm going to link that blog to facebook (somehow) so it can reach a wider audience (maybe). I will continue to post Gumshoe stories (or possibly just links to the other blog) here.

Immediately, there won't be any new stories, as I am going to work on re-editing the completed story and putting it up on the new blog. I don't think I'll make any big changes, but it seems like a good time to make the story a little stronger and hopefully enjoyable for anyone who might want to read it for a second time.

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School ended, and I didn't say much about it. This was partly because I didn't want to think about it right after and partly because I didn't know how to sum it all up. Still not sure I've got a handle on what that year meant. But oddly enough, working on law review has helped put the first year in perspective. Obviously, I would've had fits if I tried to do this a year ago. But more than just giving me the tools to do this, I have found myself enjoying it. Well, not at first. At first I was overwhelmed and overmatched. But after taking a breath and looking over the helpful material they gave us again, I developed a plan. I don't know if I'll get on, as it is really competitive, but I have a good feeling. Either way, at least I'm liking what I'm writing.

Staying on the topic of school, I won't get my grades until about halfway through June. At the earliest. In theory, I should be a little irked about this, but in practice, I do not want to think about my grades. I have been thinking about the curve and where I fit in with it for a very long time. Now, it's all out of my hands and while I am curious bout how I did, at this point it's a detached curiousity. I'm sure as the date of their release draws closer, my detachment will leave me, but now I get to enjoy just being done.

One Test left...

In less than an hour I start my last test of my 1L year. I'm nervous about this one, because it's a contracts exam, which you may remember was a bit of an ordeal last semester. But other than a little cold, I think I'm in good shape to take this exam.
Mostly I can't stop thinking about that moment when I hand in my exam and I'm done with this year. I've been waiting and working for that moment for a long time. So, it'll probably be a bit of a disappointment when the law school doesn't shoot off fireworks and send out a marching band. But, I've worked so hard this year. So hard. And it will soon be over. Wow.
Sorry. This isn't a deep or particularly thoughtful post, I guess. But seriously. Wow.

Just checking in...

I'm sitting here in the lounge at Mitchell studying for my second final exam (out of four). In a week I'll be done and have a summer to regroup and do some more practical learning, which is where my mind has been continually wandering the last couple of days. I'm very excited to be done with this year and start my summer clerkship.
But nothing can match the excitement taking place in the room next to mine. In there are a bunch of students who will be graduating from law school in the next couple of weeks. They're picking up and trying on their caps and gowns. I've seen many of the faces before, but this is the first time I think I've seen any of them this gleeful. Not just smiles in this room, but belly laughs and hand shakes. These are some happy people.
And that's just two years away for me. Two years and this set of final exams. And I gotta say, the caps we get look awesome!