Today, my wife and I have been married for 2 years.
They have not been an easy 2 years, but I think it says good things about the state of things that we have managed to struggle and stay on the same page. And I really believe that we've decided on a path that will work out for the both of us. And in some ways, we're just really, really lucky.
I really could not ask for a better partner.
*********
And now a story.
About a month ago, I caught a monster cold. Sore throat, runny nose, stuffy head. The works. I am one who is loathe to go to the doctor unless I need to. So, I fought the cold with Nyquil, vitamin C and will power. Which turns out to be a stupid way to fight a monster cold. It wore on for a couple weeks. Some days I really felt that I had turned the corner and others, not so much.
By the end of the two weeks, something weird happened. I got a sore at the base of my tongue where the muscle meets the bottom of my mouth. And I found it really hard to swallow. And it got worse. One Friday, I finally determined I should let a professional handle this. So, I called the doctor. My wife, asked if I wanted her to stay home, and I pathetically said, "yes please."
So, she fixed me some scrambled eggs, which, after setting up an appointment with the doctor, I tried to eat. I say tried, because it turns out that I had let the situation go too far and now I couldn't really swallow. Not good.
So, Dinah drives me to the doctor's office, where I meet with the doctor I'd been visiting for the last two years. He's a great guy. Really compassionate. Always willing to answer questions. And a nice man. He looks around in my mouth and determines he can't see anything, so he writes out a referral to a specialist downstairs. And walks me down there to make sure I am seen soon.
Yeah. He walked me down there personally.
And while we were walking down there, he noticed Dinah and asked if she were my partner. And without thinking, I said, "My wife." Which, I don't know if he found it insulting, since he's living in a state that, wrongly, doesn't recognize his relationship formally the way mine is, but I know I was sad and felt stupid for saying it. Especially since he left his office and walked me down to another office, instead of handing me a piece of paper and basically saying, "good luck buddy." Dick move on my part. But, he shakes my hand after he talks to some guy behind a desk and I get the feeling he either gets this all the time and he doesn't take it personally, or he has known me long enough to know I meant no slight. But still, I don't feel good about this moment.
And after waiting half an hour, I am shuttled to a room where an extremely good looking gentleman is brought in. He introduces himself as a "Dr." and I immediately think, "this man is too good looking to be a doctor. He looks like he's straight from Grey's Anatomy or something." I start to think of nicname along the lines of "McDreamy", but only come up with "McWow" before I give up.
After poking around in my mouth, he decides he needs to put a scope in my mouth and look around. This sounds like a good plan to me. I change my mind after he shows me the scope and tells me he has to put it in my nose. The scope is like the one doctors use to look in your ears, but instead there's a long hose that can contort through your nasal cavity and into the back of your mouth. The hose has a light and a camera that allows the doctor to look on a television screen and see what's going on with my mouth.
The nurses, one of whom is training the other, shoot my nose up with some sort of numbing agent and after 5 minutes, we're good to go. Dr. Hot starts feeding the hose into my nose and I can tell I'm probably not numb enough, but I just want to be able to swallow eggs again, so I go with it. While he's in there I can hear Dinah talking to me. I'm sort of in a haze because this feeling is really weird and I start to gag, which I think caused some of the fluid built up in my nose and mouth to get onto the camera. So, he pulls out.
Which causes me to go light-headed and nearly pass out. So, I'm given a rag on my neck and an apple, which I choke down the best I can. They take my blood pressure and I start to do the best I can to take deep breaths and get my shit back together. The doctor leaves the room and the nurses stay to watch me. Dinah holds my hand and tells me it was kind of neat to see the light coming out of my mouth and see down the back of my throat. One nurse asks the other if they should go do something, no doubt trying to appear industrious as she's being trained. The head nurse responds that they have to stay in case "something happens" and I feel it hard to keep myself calm for a second, but after five minutes, we try the left nostril. Yay.
This time goes better, though with about the same results. Ultimately, the most attractive doctor in Chicago decides to put my on a combination of steroids and antibiotics and have me come back the next week to check on things to be sure I'm recovering.
As we leave, Dinah handles the whole insurance issue and the parking validation. She drives me to get my perscriptions filled and as I look at her in the afternoon sun beeming in through the dirty windows of the mini-van, I think back to the moment where I said she was my wife. And I feel horrible. I realize again how lucky I am to have someone who can come into doctor's offices with me and help me and hold my hand, without the slightest bit of question about whether she should be there.
So, I guess today, I know how lucky I am to have found such a capable, amazing, beautiful person to be my partner. But, I am also lucky that the government and society allow us to enjoy the benefits of a committed relationship. And I have at least a glimmer of how unfair it is that others aren't afforded the same opportunity.
Monday, March 29, 2010
A lot of shit to talk about...
The countdown to Saint Paul went from being 'this year', to 'this summer', to 'probably in April or May' to being 'at the end of March.' And now it was last weekend. That's right, I am now in St. Paul, sitting in a coffee shop, eating an apple cinamon muffin, drinking a chai tea and updating my blog. Oh, and waiting for the movers to call. But let's start from about where we left off.
A couple weeks ago, Dinah went up to Minneapolis to interview for a job. She'd done a phone interview and wasn't exactly sure how it went, because, over the phone it's hard to get a read for how people are reacting. But it went well enough that she got to go up for an in-person interview, which also went well and ended in her getting an offer. Which she accepted. Of course, I feel a little weird that she'll be working at the University of Minnesota Law School, but I'm okay with it. They did pick the more talented of the two of us. And it probably won't be bad to know she has connections to people in the industry and who might know things about the job market that I might not. And I can root for the Gophers honestly. That's good too.
But the thing about the job is it happened rather quickly. Seemed like it took a little over a month from the application to the acceptance. So, immediately, we started hatching plans. She would probably have to stay with her brother for a bit and find an apartment while I stayed here and worked and tried to find someone to take over our lease down here. Hopefully quickly, but I was preparing myself for being her until May. June at the latest. It did not sound ideal, but it could work.
Then, sort of on a whim, we emailed someone who posted a craig's list ad for an apartment in St. Paul. A nice place. A lot bigger than our current place. And cheaper, especially since heat would be included. On the second floor, so we'll get a lot more light. And it's a block and a half from William Mitchell. The woman emailed us back and before we knew it, we had Dinah's brother take a look at the place, got his thumbs up and some pictures, and we signed a lease.
Which calls for a reworking of the plan. She'll have to stay with her brother until the lease starts in April. I'll work on getting someone into our place as soon as we can and we'll figure out the moving later.
So, we post our own ad on craig's list and showed the apartment to a nice couple on Wednesday. They seemed to really like our place and they filled out the application. And today they signed the lease. New plan. We'll move up to Saint Paul at the end of the month. Start packing now and I'll leave my job and move up with Dinah at the same time. We don't have to stay with her brother, because our new landlord's cool with us moving in a couple days early. So, we'll figure out the movers.
So, we post our own ad on craig's list and showed the apartment to a nice couple on Wednesday. They seemed to really like our place and they filled out the application. And today they signed the lease. New plan. We'll move up to Saint Paul at the end of the month. Start packing now and I'll leave my job and move up with Dinah at the same time. We don't have to stay with her brother, because our new landlord's cool with us moving in a couple days early. So, we'll figure out the movers.
This seemed the most daunting of the tasks, because we'd heard stories about waiting for weeks, waiting for the movers to call. I like to think of myself as a person with simple needs. It turns out one of thoses needs is a nice couch to lie on. But Dinah was able to find a company that was based in Minneapolis/Saint Paul and makes the trip frequently. So, we'd only need a weekend of spartan existence. So that is our last plan, and up until now it's been going swimmingly. And, as you may know, Ilove it when a plan comes together.
It's been an amazing couple months. It seems like everything has just fallen into place for us. It's a powerful feeling that makes it hard to be cynical. Indeed, aided by the return of the sun to the midwest, I've been feeling a lot of happiness and hope of late. I really think everything is working out and will continue to work out.
The drive up was not without it's problems though. As you may know, we have two cats--a mother and son. They are skittish and do not adapt well to change. And they hate their carrying cases. So, we knew they were not going to appreciate the sudden loss of all the stuff in our old apartment, followed by being confined and riding in a car for 8 hours or so. We got a bigger carrying case, so they could be in it together and feel some solidarity or something. But, it turns out this was not as big a solution to that problem as we hoped. To be fair, there were stretches of quiet time. Hours of quiet sometimes. But, there was also a lot of crying. And there was Oscar scratching the carrier until he broke one of his claws and bled a little. Which was really worrying and frustrating, but ultimately not a big problem.
The drive up was not without it's problems though. As you may know, we have two cats--a mother and son. They are skittish and do not adapt well to change. And they hate their carrying cases. So, we knew they were not going to appreciate the sudden loss of all the stuff in our old apartment, followed by being confined and riding in a car for 8 hours or so. We got a bigger carrying case, so they could be in it together and feel some solidarity or something. But, it turns out this was not as big a solution to that problem as we hoped. To be fair, there were stretches of quiet time. Hours of quiet sometimes. But, there was also a lot of crying. And there was Oscar scratching the carrier until he broke one of his claws and bled a little. Which was really worrying and frustrating, but ultimately not a big problem.
And after a great weekend of seeing some friends and family (including our little niece who keeps getting more and more adorable), I am feeling amazingly optomistic about living here. I'm really liking the neighborhood and our apartment (seriously a block from school is going to be awesome, and it's frickin' huge). I'm hopeful that Dinah will enjoy her job. And I'm hopeful that I'll be able to find some sort of work to keep my busy this summer. I think it's all going to work out well...you know if we work hard and make good decisions. That kind of thing.
**UPDATE: Movers come tomorrow morning. Kind of earlyish, but that sounds good to me.
**UPDATE: Movers come tomorrow morning. Kind of earlyish, but that sounds good to me.
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