Of Heroes and Dissappointment...

Now comes word that Bruce Springsteen may have stepped out on his wife of many years. I don't have any idea whether these allegations are true. From what I've seen, it's hard to tell for sure. For the moment let's put aside whether they are true.
You see, I am of two minds on situations like this.
One the one hand, I don't think I should really care. I like Bruce Springsteen because of his music. He's clearly a gifted musician and songwriter and what he does away from the stage and recording studio, while it does affect the songs he choses to write, has nothing to do with quality of that music and of the sincerity I see in his music. If he writes a love song and I don't really know who it's about, it does not matter to me. Even if every song he writes is about his wife Patti, I still have only a small, fleeting window into what their relationship is. And ultimately, that window does not really help me like or dislike his music any more than if a song were about an anonymous woman. And a lot of his songs (probably the majority) aren't love songs. So, logically, his marital troubles shouldn't matter in my enjoyment of those songs.
On the other hand. I know I respect Springsteen for more than just his musical talents. I respect him because he seems to believe in many of the same causes I do. And he seems like a normal guy. Me, if I had the talent and drive he did. Which is to say, he's not really all that much like me, but there was something about him that made me feel he was. He seemed humble and giving. Now, to find out that he may have been having an affair on his wife. Well, that's not something I can really relate to. And I don't think that's something a 'normal guy' would do (though I know there are those who would disagree with that statement). So, clearly I am a little dissappointed. But I still cannot put a finger on exactly why. He did not lie to me. He made no vow to me as a fan of his music and the image he presented to me. And yet, I feel a little distrubed by this news.
I have been reading a biography of Franklin D. Roosevelt. However you feel about him and for whatever reasons, there is no denying he was a great president. His handling of World War II alone puts him among the best leaders this country has ever had. But, I was a little taken aback when I found out he had had an affair. I knew his marriage with Eleanor was not a traditional one for many reasons, but it still struck me as odd that this great man would have an affair. I know, I am naive. But a major difference between the Springsteen infidelity and FDR is that I don't for one minute think of the former president as a normal guy. He's a larger than life figure. A man who led this country and, by example, much of the world, during one of the most tenuous moments for democracy in the history of the world. I don't think I'm overstating. And it's for this, along with his leadership during the depression that he is most remembered. And again, FDR owed me nothing when it comes to his relationship with his wife. But, I still feel a little let down.
This could be because of my father's (almost certain) infidelity with the woman he now lives with. Sure, that makes sense. Men that I considered heroes for different reasons all seem to have had troubles staying within the bounds of their marriages. It's troubling for me. The difference in my father's situation is that a case can be made that he did owe me some duty being that he was my father and the woman he cheated on was my mother. And for all that I've denied it recently, my father and I are a lot alike. We look similar. We react in situations the same way. I sometimes see pictures of me and I see my father's timidity or sly smile. I hear myself say things my father would say to me when I was young. I don't so much worry that I will repeat my father's mistakes, because I think I'm making a lot of other decisions now that will keep me happier than he was while I was growing up*. But, because we are so similar, I find it disturbing that he couldn't or didn't make a different, better decision. And that he refuses to look at what he did as at least a little dubious. Clearly, I took the news of his cheating harder than I took the two others, but I can't ignore this as being a reason why their situations strike me as disappointing.
And I think that's probably the answer. The troubles of Bruce and Roosevelt, for all the pain and awkwardness they cause in their own lives, brings up unresolved issues I have with my father. The issues we will likely never resolve. I mean, I could go on for a while about how there are no heroes anymore. Maybe, bring up Tiger Woods and blame the media for reporting too much sordid crap, or blame our insatiable appetite for this crap, but I don't really care about any of that. And I don't care about the revelations of other people's marital troubles for anything that they mean about the person and their families. I care more about what they have in common with me and my family. And it makes me wonder if everyone feels similarly about these sorts of situations. To me it's the only rational way to explain why we're upset when people we know do stupid things.
Huh. And I thought I was going to write an entry not about me.

Note1*. Law school. Having kids later. Not going to war, which really has to be the big one. I think if my father hadn't gone to that war in Vietnam, he would be a completely different person now. Happier. Maybe the marriage with my mom doesn't happen or doesn't last, I don't know. But, I think he doesn't gain all the weight and he a lot of the issues he has now don't exist or seem much easier to deal with.

Saint Paul livin'

So, it's been a week and a hlaf since we moved to Saint Paul and so far, this seems to have been a great move on our part. Aside from some shittiness in dealing with comcast cable company*, it's been great. The movers showed up on time and got everything in. We're probably 98% done with unpacking and our new apartment is starting to feel like a home. Which is nice. Those first days of sleeping on an air matress on the floor were not the most fun. At first we were just so excited to be here and get used to everything that it didn't matter, but I found it quickly lost its bohemian charm. And let's face it, I am not bohemian. I like nice things. Like mattresses...and couches. Oh, I love me some couches.
And I really love our new apartment. It's big. Three bedrooms big. And the location is superb. It's just over a block from Mitchell and tons of other shops and restaraunts. This past weekend we joined a local co-op that's 4 blocks or so from us. They looked like they have excellent, fresh meat and vegetables, and some very good lefse**.
Anyhoo. Everything has settled down now and so I'm trying to find something to fill the time I have on my hand. I have this feeling that if I don't find something to do, I'm just going to sit in my apartment and obssess about whether I'm really ready to go to law school. I'll read a lot of blogs and decide that maybe I am, only to reconsider every week or so. By the time I get to law school in August, there would be a good chance that I would be so amped up that I would end up throwing up on my shoes the first day. And I am not trying to set goals I cannot reach in law school, but one goal I am allowing my self is to not throw up on myself the first day. Every day after that is up for grabs, but a good, unsoiled first impression seems key to success in law school.
So. What to do with my time. I have this romantic notion that I'll find a job in a movie theater or a book store in the neighborhood and I'm going to pursue these jobs first, but I suppose I could end up temping somewhere too. I'm hoping I will still have some time to enjoy the last summer before law school starts kicking me in the face. We'll see.

*Note 1. Fucking Comcast. First they give us a defective DVR that shuts off every once in a while for no discernable reason, then when we're trying to switch it out for a good one, they miss 3 (THREE!) appointments. Then they finally came in and switched out the box only to find out that the box wasn't the problem. We've had another person out since then and though he had a different theory about what was wrong, it still has not solved the problem. I will say the customer service people and the manager I talked to were all very nice. This is possibly from all the practice they get, but I don't know.
**Note 2. I love lefse. Warm with a little bit of butter and sugar (not brown sugar. That's just wrong). Yum yum. The fact that lefse is something I can get pretty much whenever now is just one of the reasons I love Saint Paul. But it is a big reason.