But I'm also thinking about life afterwards. It's the subtext to all the bar worry. I mean, it's hard to be worried about a test that 90% of people pass...except that there's so much at stake. If I don't pass this time, I have to wait until February to get to take it again. Meaning for those 6 months, I stay in this limbo of not really being able to work, and I get to take it again. So. Yeah.
But I still don't know what my life after the bar is really going to look like. I've been sending out applications to many places I think would be good places to work. Either because of the area of law, or because of the things I've heard about those places, and I think I would fit in well there. Being an older law student, I feel the need to find a job that I will enjoy for the long term. I don't have to find the perfect job, or my last job. But I want to go somewhere that I can be for at least 5 years. Or I want to go somewhere that is designed to be short term, so everyone knows that I'll be there for only a set amount of time, and I will get experience that I can use to find the job where I can be long term.
And so far, this has not gone well. I got another rejection yesterday. It was from a place that I had only applied to the weekend before. This means they probably looked at it first thing Monday and decided quickly I was not what they were looking for and decided to send out their form letter almost immediately. The career development people here tell us that the average person looks at a resume for 2 minutes, tops. And that seems to be the case here. And it seems unfair, because I'm sure everyone is putting hundreds of times more than 2 minutes into researching places, typing up the cover letter, tailoring the resumes, and all of that. And I know the reason we have to spend that time is because it has to be clear and concise, so that someone who's going to give it 2 minutes will see something they want to look into further. I know this logically. But man, every rejection still feels personal to me. It's not for them, I know. But I still haven't gotten good at not taking it personally. I probably never will, honestly.
I always feel like I spend so much time telling them how great I am, and their decision is them saying I'm not that good. It's stupid of me. And I know it's stupid, which makes me feel worse, because it doesn't change the way I feel.
I know I'm going to get a job. It will happen. I did too well in law school, and I'm working too hard now for it not to happen.* Not to sound too conceited. But, you know, it's true. And honestly, if I've learned anything through this process, it's that there are few other people, if any, who are going to look at the positives and point them out. So I have to do it myself.
I just need to patient with myself, and with the people who are making decisions. I'm making mistakes and so are they. It's gonna be okay. I just wish I knew when and where. It would make the planning so much easier.
But I still don't know what my life after the bar is really going to look like. I've been sending out applications to many places I think would be good places to work. Either because of the area of law, or because of the things I've heard about those places, and I think I would fit in well there. Being an older law student, I feel the need to find a job that I will enjoy for the long term. I don't have to find the perfect job, or my last job. But I want to go somewhere that I can be for at least 5 years. Or I want to go somewhere that is designed to be short term, so everyone knows that I'll be there for only a set amount of time, and I will get experience that I can use to find the job where I can be long term.
And so far, this has not gone well. I got another rejection yesterday. It was from a place that I had only applied to the weekend before. This means they probably looked at it first thing Monday and decided quickly I was not what they were looking for and decided to send out their form letter almost immediately. The career development people here tell us that the average person looks at a resume for 2 minutes, tops. And that seems to be the case here. And it seems unfair, because I'm sure everyone is putting hundreds of times more than 2 minutes into researching places, typing up the cover letter, tailoring the resumes, and all of that. And I know the reason we have to spend that time is because it has to be clear and concise, so that someone who's going to give it 2 minutes will see something they want to look into further. I know this logically. But man, every rejection still feels personal to me. It's not for them, I know. But I still haven't gotten good at not taking it personally. I probably never will, honestly.
I always feel like I spend so much time telling them how great I am, and their decision is them saying I'm not that good. It's stupid of me. And I know it's stupid, which makes me feel worse, because it doesn't change the way I feel.
I know I'm going to get a job. It will happen. I did too well in law school, and I'm working too hard now for it not to happen.* Not to sound too conceited. But, you know, it's true. And honestly, if I've learned anything through this process, it's that there are few other people, if any, who are going to look at the positives and point them out. So I have to do it myself.
I just need to patient with myself, and with the people who are making decisions. I'm making mistakes and so are they. It's gonna be okay. I just wish I knew when and where. It would make the planning so much easier.
