It's hard being tuned down. We all know this. We've all been dumped. And at the time, it feels like the worst thing. It feels like someone just shredded you in front of the whole world. Like they took a bullhorn and announced to anyone paying attention that you are worth so little that they don't want to spend any time with you again. And they know they're never going to regret that decision. And there's nothing you can do about it. I mean, you could try to dislike them, but you know it's an act. Or maybe it's not an act and you really do dislike them, but still you only dislike them because they disliked you first. And that's never very satisfying. So you're stuck for what feels like an eternity trying to get over them. It stings for a while, man, don't I know it stings for a while.
And then one day, you look back at everything that happens, and you shrug. Okay, so that happened.
So, you're reading this post and thinking, "why the long metaphor?" Basically, this is the process I have been going through with OCI. I mean, I never disliked the firms who passed on me, but I definitely said, "Well I don't want to work there anyway." Yes. I am that mature.
But my point is, I think I've reached the shrug phase. Which is good to do now, because I'm not even through with the process. A lot of firms have turned me down. And a lot more are going to be given the opportunity to turn me down in the future, at least three firms are still holding my resume with an unknown degree of interest in me. If they pass, they don't mean anything personal by it*. I think I would be a good addition to a lot of firms around here, including the ones who passed on me. That's probably not going to change. It probably cannot change if I want to get a job, because things are a little rough out there. And no one else is going to tell them how good I am.
I met with my career counselor today and had a good talk. I think part of what worried me about missing on so many firms is that I don't know what comes next. And, well, it is less defined. The OCI process is nice because it is a process. Not a process that is really tailored to my strengths**, but it has a tangible structure. If it doesn't work out, well, there's no process. Basically, you try to make connections and network. You try to find people who will talk with you and hope you impress them and that it leads somewhere. Not necessarily a job, maybe just a good piece of advice or some insight into what might be a better approach, or a better field for you. In short, you work for it.
And if that's where I'm at, then that's fine. I can work. And really, since there is no process, I have a much better chance of putting myself in a situation where I can impress someone. And I have a lot more options of firms to chase down. It's wide open, and that's frightening, because there's not a well-worn path. But that also means if I work it right, I could end up just about anywhere. So, I'm holding out some hope for the OCI process, but I think I'll be okay if it doesn't work out.
And that confidence has been missed these first three weeks of school.
*Note 1. Unlike the girl who broke up with me at prom. She said she didn't mean anything personal by it, but...um...it was my prom. And she broke up with me mid-dance. That's a personal slight per se. (I use latin to back up my points...it makes me a good attorney.)
**Note 2. It's so hard to impress someone in 20 minutes. I mean, it takes someone 35-45 minutes from meeting me to decide I am not pure evil. In 20 minutes they're still trying to decide if hitting me pre-emptively would be considered self defense.
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