the 100th post of my blog career....

This'll be an extended general update....I apologize accordingly...
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But, I want to know--is there anybody alive out there?
Bruce Springsteen asks this question on pretty much every live recording I've heard of him. (One of my biggest regrets is that I haven't seen him live in concert yet. This will be rectified when, you know, I have some disposable cash and he comes around. Lately, he's been holding his end of the bargain up--touring and performing...but I haven't been able to justify concert ticket money. Someday soon though.)
There's something to that question. Something simple and transcendental all at the same moment. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but sometimes I feel like I have been asking this question of myself and I'm just finally starting to like the answer.
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The second week of the internship is coming to a close and I'm still really liking it. I was supposed to observe some courtroom antics this week, but that didn't appear to work out. There's a small chance it could work out today, but it's teeeny tiny. This is one thing I've been looking forward to a lot. I've never observed a formal proceeding and I'm just curious about it. I mean, surely it's gotta be different than watching Law & Order. Though, if it isn't, I'll probably be okay with that, because I really liked Law & Order for a while and it would be a little nostalgic to see one again.
Anyway, I was supposed to see the beginning of a proceeding on Tuesday. But, then I learned a little something about the justice system. Apparently, it's a little backed up these days. Okay, so we show up to what's called a "black-line room" to get scheduled a judge and a room. We're early on in the list and there's every expectation that we'll get assigned everything we need in time to start picking a jury and doing preliminary stuff the same day. Except. They run our of judges. I mean, it makes sense that it could happen, but it's not something that you'd think would happen. Of course, that's probably because it never happened on Law & Order.
So, we wait for a while. We're just sitting there while the court goes about its business. The judge is hearing motions and dealing with other things, but we're on hold there for a couple of hours. Then the attorney I'm working with decides to send us (there was another paralegal intern with me) back to the office to do some work, because we're not really learning that much (though it was interesting). He says they may end up assigning us something, but he's unsure how it'll work out.
He tells us the same thing Wednesday, but by this morning, the case is pushed back a couple months. But for two days the attorneys sat around waiting to start a trial at any moment. And so did the clients and witnesses. But, that's how things work out sometimes.
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Otherwise, the internship is going well, I think. I'm still looking around for jobs figuring that it'll take a while for someone to get back to me and interview me and decide to hire me, and by that time I could be done (or almost done and put in a couple weeks notice) with the internship.
So, I applied for a job through the Chicago Daily Law Bulletin. The job looked like a job with a small firm, but they didn't reveal who they were. Which is pretty common from what I've seen. A couple days later, I hear from a staffing agency. Apparently they are "handling this for a client". It is a little shady to look like you're something you're not, but okay. The agency is a reputable place, so I know it's not gonna be weird in any bad way. And the position is a permanent one, which I would really prefer over any sort of temping.
Anyway, I tried to catch on with them right after I was let go last year. I met with a nice guy there, but he never seemed to get me into any interviews. Which I sort of understand now. My resume was okay, but it's not like I was close to my degree or I had anything that particularly jumped out at anyone. And the economy was in the crapper. So, okay, I understand, I guess.
But, the guy who called me after receiving my application was a different guy. Seemed excited and thought I would be a good fit. So, he asks me to come in. I tell him Friday (the day I don't work my internship) and we agree. He's gonna send me an email confirmation and we're good to go. I'm kind of excited, because in describing the firm, he said a lot of things I wanted to hear. He even gave me a salary range that was right in the heart of the range I thought I should make, so, this sounds all good. I figure that I haven't heard from them in a while, so I've been sorted out of the computers or whatever.
But, then I don't get the email confirmation. So, I call back and I quickly see I have not been sorted out of the computer, I'm switched to the first guy I met with. So, I don't know. Hopefully he can get me in somewhere, but I'm not holding out hope.
At least someone was interested, even if it wasn't the person I really wanted interested. And it's not like I'm not making my own inquiries, I guess. So. Yeah, just keeping my chin up.
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It turned hot this week. Which, I'm not thrilled about. It's been a long, cool spring, so I shouldn't complain, but I will. See I can walk to my internship, which is great. The thought of walking to work will forever be a goal of mine. But this week, I've seen the major drawback--being a little (or a lot) sweaty when I get to work. I'm sure it's not great in the winter either, but last week, when it was a warm spring day, with a slight breeze blowing through the trees along Ravenswood Avenue (which, despite the train tracks running along one side, feels like a calm country lane), that was worth it.
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Can you believe I've posted on this blog 100 times? Sure they've mostly been whiney and they've all been self-indulgent, but still 100 times is pretty decent.
So. Having written 100 posts makes me start to think about what I'm doing this for. I think at first, I wanted to have a place to publicly think about the things that were going on in my life. I especially focused on things that were going wrong, like work and family stuff. That's certainly been a theme, but I think I've tried to do more it as things have gone on. I think I've tried to show off my writing and have some fun. And during the times when I've been dow or didn't feel particularly interesting or fun, I've stayed away from the blog. I mean, it's not fun writing (or reading I'd imagine) about how I'm depressed or uninteresting.
Going forward, I think that's probably going to be how things are. I don't want to just bitch about things unless I have something interesting to add to things. I want to have a more standard schedule, but I don't want this to become a chore. Still, I think when I settle into a job and graduate from my program, I'll be able to get into a more regular schdule. That's the goal.
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My weight is going down. Slowly. I've lost another pound and another half inch off my tummy. I haven't been running as much, but I'm walking to work. And just being at my internship has taken away a lot of the time I'm tempted to eat stupidly. It also helps that there's no food or candy in the office. No vending machines, no dishes full of offerings. Nothing. I know where ever I next work, there will most likely be someone throwing out the candy dish, hoping to get me into their sugary, fatty cell with them, if only for a moment while I'm walking by, slowing only to grab a piece and smile guiltily. But, I'm hoping I'm getting in the habit of not succumbing to the sweet, loving goodness. We'll see.
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Post 99: It's an ugly world out there.

It's been a busy time for me lately. I've been interviewing like nobody's business, so it's a good type of busy.
Anyway, interviewing for internships has been pretty cool really. I applied for 16 or so internships (though some of these ended up not wanting to offer a position, so I'm not sure exactly how many were viable options for me) and got calls from three of them. I interviewed with the first one and it went well. Really well. In fact, the more I thought about it, it went too well. I showed up, dressed up all nice-like and it was pretty much settled that the paralegal I interviewed with wanted me to work there. Her interviewing style wasn't so much to ask questions of me as to tell me how awesome I am and how she could really use a person like me around. Which, I liked hearing, believe you me, but. Well. It was a little unsettling. I almost felt like she was trying to sell me on working there, which wasn't a tough sell. But. The problem with this internship was gonna be the long and thorough background check they do. She was hoping to "zip" me through in 6 weeks.
The second internship was with an attorney who had me in class. He sent me an email telling me I was accepted, no interview was necessary. I went in just to talk about when I'd come in and such , but I started the next Monday.
And it's mostly been awesome. I've been doing a lot of research and some organizing...but a couple days I got to work on some petitions for clemency and expungment. Which was really nice. It was the first time I really got to feel like I was helping someone do something meaningful. And the attorney really seems to like the way I write, which is also thrilling. It's been a long time since I've felt this good about what I've been doing. And so when I have to do the organization stuff, I don't mind. I actually kind of enjoy it because it means I can find the other stuff I need easier. I mean, I sort of knew this line of work was the right move for me, but I didn't expect it to feel this good.
And the feeling of accomplishment and happiness from helping (even though it's in only a small, small way) someone who has turned their life around like the gentlemen who we're helping get their records cleared, that's a good feeling. Good enough that I'm sure that when I get out of law school, that's a feeling I want to have about the type of law I choose. So, yeah. That's good. Very good.
Of course, today was not so good. It all started out so well. I was proof-reading a brief that we were going to file today and I got to take it to the people we were gonna have file it for us. Things got a little sticky, when some of the materials we needed weren't in the filing (which I don't think was my fault, but it wasn't not my fault either...if that makes sense), but I quickly dealt with the parts of it I could and headed back to the office.
And then I started working on the case I'd been dreading. It wasn't anything pressing, but he'd given it to me Thursday (I don't go in on Friday) for me to do today. Obviously the brief that gets filed today takes precedence, but even if it hadn't, this was something I was saving for the end of the day. I can't really say what the case is about because of confidentiality concerns, but it's not a pretty case. And there are some not pretty pictures I saw today that shook me up a bit.
Intellectually, I know that everyone deserves a good attorney, especially since the accused in this case may not be guilty, I mean, I really don't know. But, wow. I wish I could have not seen the pictures. I was reading through the rest of the case and it wasn't good, but I could think of it as almost fiction. Or with the same way that I view documentaries on true crimes. There's a distance. But seeing it like that, right up in my face, and especially because I didn't know those pictures existed or were there, it takes the distance right out of it. I wasn't sitting on my couch eating popcorn and wondering how in the world this happens, or reading a book in a clinical library setting. There suddenly wasn't anything standing between me and the meanness in this world.
Well, I just haven't figure out a way to get past it yet. Which makes sense, I guess.
Anyway, tomorrow I get to observe a case, which will be awesome. I haven't ever seen a formal proceeding, so I'm looking forward to it. I just can't decide what to wear...