Post 99: It's an ugly world out there.

It's been a busy time for me lately. I've been interviewing like nobody's business, so it's a good type of busy.
Anyway, interviewing for internships has been pretty cool really. I applied for 16 or so internships (though some of these ended up not wanting to offer a position, so I'm not sure exactly how many were viable options for me) and got calls from three of them. I interviewed with the first one and it went well. Really well. In fact, the more I thought about it, it went too well. I showed up, dressed up all nice-like and it was pretty much settled that the paralegal I interviewed with wanted me to work there. Her interviewing style wasn't so much to ask questions of me as to tell me how awesome I am and how she could really use a person like me around. Which, I liked hearing, believe you me, but. Well. It was a little unsettling. I almost felt like she was trying to sell me on working there, which wasn't a tough sell. But. The problem with this internship was gonna be the long and thorough background check they do. She was hoping to "zip" me through in 6 weeks.
The second internship was with an attorney who had me in class. He sent me an email telling me I was accepted, no interview was necessary. I went in just to talk about when I'd come in and such , but I started the next Monday.
And it's mostly been awesome. I've been doing a lot of research and some organizing...but a couple days I got to work on some petitions for clemency and expungment. Which was really nice. It was the first time I really got to feel like I was helping someone do something meaningful. And the attorney really seems to like the way I write, which is also thrilling. It's been a long time since I've felt this good about what I've been doing. And so when I have to do the organization stuff, I don't mind. I actually kind of enjoy it because it means I can find the other stuff I need easier. I mean, I sort of knew this line of work was the right move for me, but I didn't expect it to feel this good.
And the feeling of accomplishment and happiness from helping (even though it's in only a small, small way) someone who has turned their life around like the gentlemen who we're helping get their records cleared, that's a good feeling. Good enough that I'm sure that when I get out of law school, that's a feeling I want to have about the type of law I choose. So, yeah. That's good. Very good.
Of course, today was not so good. It all started out so well. I was proof-reading a brief that we were going to file today and I got to take it to the people we were gonna have file it for us. Things got a little sticky, when some of the materials we needed weren't in the filing (which I don't think was my fault, but it wasn't not my fault either...if that makes sense), but I quickly dealt with the parts of it I could and headed back to the office.
And then I started working on the case I'd been dreading. It wasn't anything pressing, but he'd given it to me Thursday (I don't go in on Friday) for me to do today. Obviously the brief that gets filed today takes precedence, but even if it hadn't, this was something I was saving for the end of the day. I can't really say what the case is about because of confidentiality concerns, but it's not a pretty case. And there are some not pretty pictures I saw today that shook me up a bit.
Intellectually, I know that everyone deserves a good attorney, especially since the accused in this case may not be guilty, I mean, I really don't know. But, wow. I wish I could have not seen the pictures. I was reading through the rest of the case and it wasn't good, but I could think of it as almost fiction. Or with the same way that I view documentaries on true crimes. There's a distance. But seeing it like that, right up in my face, and especially because I didn't know those pictures existed or were there, it takes the distance right out of it. I wasn't sitting on my couch eating popcorn and wondering how in the world this happens, or reading a book in a clinical library setting. There suddenly wasn't anything standing between me and the meanness in this world.
Well, I just haven't figure out a way to get past it yet. Which makes sense, I guess.
Anyway, tomorrow I get to observe a case, which will be awesome. I haven't ever seen a formal proceeding, so I'm looking forward to it. I just can't decide what to wear...