The killing of the past and the coming back to life...

Things can change quickly. I learned that a year ago when I was let go from my job and suddenly had to worry about money in a way that I never had to before. I was only six months into my marriage and as I walked out of the Sears Tower (which it still was back then), I was panicked that this might be a critical blow. I mean, maybe it wouldn't end it, but it certainly couldn't be good for the marriage. And, it wasn't. But after the initial shock, I was lucky to find that my wife is ridiculously supportive of me. And being supportive of me is not always an easy job. I am sometimes unable to listen to the good things about myself and instead insist on tearing myself down. In short, my wife is a saint.

This last year has been tough on me. Being fired, especially to someone raised to believe your work is as important (if not more so) to who you are as your family and such, felt like a cosmic kick in the balls. I've always thought of myself as a star. Not in a, "I can do whatever I want" or "everyone envies me" sort of way, but in a "I always succeed" sort of way. Getting let go put a huge dent in that. It's not that I never knew adversity, but it always seemed easy to handle. Things that seemed huge at the time, like getting good grades in school or getting an apartment where I wanted, they never seemed to be all that hard. I always got at least decent grades in college and there seemed like there were so many apartments that if someone else took this one before I got my deposit in, there'd be another and hey it might work out better. Right after I was let go, I thought it would be easy. Well, not easy, but not so challenging. I thought It'd take a couple weeks or so, but I'd find another, better job. As you know if you've been following the blog, that didn't happen. It was a long year of not hearing from any jobs and being disappointed by the ones I did hear from.

I was lucky to have Dinah. But I was also lucky that I reacted to my initial outsourcing with enough forethought to enter the paralegal program. I don't think I can overstate how good that was for me. Over the course of the time there, I went from having virtually no confidence about myself and my skills to really believing that everything was gonna work out again. I started to see myself as a star again. I was encouraged by my professors and I did well. And I started to think I could, and should, look higher than just what seemed the next rung up on the ladder. So, I registered for the LSAT and started getting serious about going to law school. This had all been a slow change.

But things can change quickly. And they really did this weekend. Saturday morning I took the LSAT. It felt pretty good.* I'm not sure I knocked it out of the park, but I think I did pretty well, and I think it'll be a good score to take me to some very nice law schools. I've got to wait about three weeks to get my score and put it all in perspective for sure, but for now, just having that stress gone from my day-to-day life, I'm a lot happier.

And yesterday, I went in to interview with a small firm that specializes in real-estate here in Chicago. It was a great interview process. They asked tough questions, but for some reason, I was really prepared for them. I can't say I did anything different in preparing for this interview, but I just had a lot more confidence that my experience and skills matched up. And that even though I don't know much about real-estate law, I could learn and excel. And they agreed with me. So, I start tomorrow.

The interviewers were also great at pointing out that this job will be challenging and that it's deadline driven. I will have a lot to learn in a short period of time and there's a lot of stress associated with this job. So, it's not like I'm on easy street or anything. But I'm happy to have a challenge. I'm a little worried that things might not work out. The echoes of this year do still ring in my ears, but I am starting to get that feeling that everything will be okay. Because I was lucky to invest in myself this year. And because I absolutely got lucky to be married to the woman I am. And because even the tough problems turned out to be easier to handle than they could have been.

Though, I hope I'm at the end of employment drama. Handleable, yes. Enjoyable, no.

*Note 1. Except that whoever was supposed to proctor our test didn't show up and we had to wait an hour and a half for another proctor to show up. That I didn't like so much. I did like that I was not the oldest person there, but it was a little disconcerting when I saw a college age woman waiting for the test with her parents. I can't say for sure why it bothered me when her parents kissed her good-bye and handed her her clear plastic bag with her pencils and snack. But, it really did.

Comics (or by not being afraid to fall out the sky)

When I was a little kid, just old enough to love cartoons, I went to the hall closet and grabbed an oversized towel and tied it around my neck. I then went to the kitchen, pulled a chair over to the counter and climbed up. I turned around and looked past the phone into the living room at the front door. Bending my knees slightly, I crept forward, reached my arms into the sky, cried, "Superman!" and lept.

Of course, I didn't soar away to fight Brainiac or Solomon Grundy. I hit the floor. And bounced.

My sister remembers coming in to see what had made such a loud thud, only to find me climbing up from the floor and taking the towel off. When she asked me what happened, I apparently shrugged and went outside to go ride my bike.

***********

I have thought a lot about this story lately. Partly because I have to write up my personal statement for my law school application and one of the things in vogue with these statements is to tell a story about yourself and relate it back to what kind of person you are or why you want to go to law school. So, for a couple minutes, I thought I could tell this story and relate it to my ability to deal with set backs, or my desire to push boundaries or something. This, as you may have guessed, would be a bad idea. Not only is it disengenuous, but it's more than a little trite.

So, yeah. I'm not sure if the personal statement I have now is gonna be as memorable as that story, but it's honest. And it's not so formulaic. So. There's that.

***********

Of course, another reason I've been thinking about that story is to wonder what the hell was I thinking as a kid. Honestly, sometimes I think it's a miracle I made it this far.

***********

The picture I'm displaying is by Alex Ross, who, for those of you not lucky enough to have come across his work, is the best. He is a painter who has worked extensively in the comic book genre, and, as you can see, he makes very life-like images of the superheroes he depicts.

If you're looking to see some of his best work and have a good read, I recommend Kingdom Come, which looks at the intersection of faith and superheroes (among other things). It's one of my favorite graphic novels and it owes a lot to the thought Ross puts into casting the superheroes. I say casting, because he will often model the superheroes on people he knows. And if you think my praising him is at least partly motivated by the thought of him appreciating my praise and thinking I would make a good model*, well, you know me only too well.

***********

I was never a big fan of Superman as a kid. Maybe I was before I bounced off the kitchen floor, but not after, that's for sure. I was always partial to Batman. Maybe I lacked the imagination to identify with the super-powered characters, but I think it was also because I knew I couldn't ever become one. I had accepted that I would never shoot lasers out of my eyes or be able to fly. But, maybe I would be able to be a great detective who helped people. It's not so much that I could see myself fighting people or anything. I knew better than that, but I thought I could do the other things.

As I've grown up though (and you could argue a sign of my growing up would be to stop reading comics, but whatever), I've started to feel more affinity for Superman. I don't really watch Smallville, or even follow his character in the comic books. (But, then, I'm not reading any Batman books now either.) I just like the idea of him. And how he's been portrayed in some of the books I've read (like Kingdom Come). He's not so much the cocky, all-powerful man of steel I saw him as when I was younger. He's more riddled with doubt. He's burdened by expectations--some external, but mainly internal--that he is the last, best hope of everyone. That he has to do everything better than anyone else. In short, he's much more human than I originally thought.

***********

I can't talk about my comics love without mentioning how awesome Blackest Night has been. I'm a little behind in my reading, but seriously, Geoff Johns is writing some great comic books. I mean, the premise is one of those so simple ideas that you can't believe it hasn't been done already. So, you had the Green Lanterns, who are powered by will power, right? Well, Johns takes the rest of the ROY G BIV color spectrum and gives them lanterns and emotions that power them. And then throws in black, which is run by death. Such a great idea.

His run on Green Lantern, from bringing back Hal Jordan (who has become my favorite character), to everything in Blackest Night, has been phenominal. And it's probably changed the character forever, in a great way.

*Note 1. I have often thought I would make a nice Foggy Nelson.

Yup, another Mega-update...or (I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar)

Look, I know this isn't what good blogs do. They give you content everyday. They give you something interesting to think about. Even if they just talk about themselves, at least they give you something to chuckle about.

And hey, I would like to be a good blog. But I'm not, right now. It's okay. It's out there now. Let's move on.

*************

Watch Glee tomorrow. Look, TV has been quite the tease for me the last couple of years. Last year, three shows I really liked got cancelled, despite the fact that they were good shows. Eli Stone, Dirty Sexy Money, and most heinously, Pushing Daisies* were all shot down. (Though Pushing Daisies is coming back in comic book form, which I am thrilled about. Seriously, this has all the markings of awesome.) So, I need this one.

FOX showed the pilot twice and I enjoyed it both times. The show delves into the realm of cheese, but purposefully. It's quirky and fun. Tomorrow's show will be the start of the first season, so seriously folks get on board. You will thank me.

*************

Some of my procrastination has been well-founded, though. I have been studying for the LSAT pretty hardcore** right now. My scores have popped up to the level I wanted them to be, so with 17 days 13 hours and 22 minutes left (as of this typing) I'm feeling pretty good about my shot of hitting this test hard. The little bit of doubt I'm having now is what's keeping me headed to the library. That's good.

The bad news about this test is that I am not allowed to wear a hat during it. And I can't bring my iPod and get all Michael Phelps (above picture) jazzed up*** before I start. I don't know why the loss of the iPod and my lucky Cardinals hat is bothering me, but...well...okay, I'm oddly superstitious. I know they're trying to keep me from cheating, but honestly, I'm not smart enough to think of a way to cheat with just my hat and an iPod, except to have a recording of Obi Wan Kenobe going on repeat just saying, "Joe! Use the contrapositive."

Sigh. Oh well.

*************

Also, last week, I got to work on a trial with the attorney I've been doing work for****. What sort of trial, you ask?

a MURDER trial.

It freaked my mom out when I told her.

So, yeah. It was really cool. I mean, I didn't, you know, get to ask questions or anything, but I reviewed documents and helped with the prep. I took notes and reviewed testimony and gave opinions on questions and such. I mean, it's probably not the biggest, bestest thing ever, but I helped. I actually caught a detail that, if it had slipped past my boss (and it probably wouldn't have) could have really messed things up for our client.

And really, more important than that, is how much I enjoyed watching it. I know it's probably not the right thing to say. I mean, it's a human tragedy playing out infront of me, but it's exciting to watch. The questioning, the answers, the manuevering. Yeah. This is where I want to be. This is what I want to do. It's been a really, really long time where I felt like I had potential. You know? I heard it so much when I was a kid. "You have potential." Potential for what I never really thought about. But now, it's like I can see it. I know it's a ways down the pike for me, but I'm working on it. And just having the direction--the beacon out there in the future somewhere--it's such a different feeling. It's better than I felt when looking at college, because now I know where I'm heading for beyond the term of school. I don't know the details yet, but I know the picture. And it was all there in that courtroom. And I can do this.

The benches were uncomfortable though. Have to say that.

*************

So, we say Extract yesterday. And I gotta say, I was hugely dissappointed. I looked at the cast--with Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck***** and JK Simmons and Kristen Wiig--I was pretty excited. And the cast did well. Bateman was solid. Affleck was good--honestly, he gives the best performance in the movie. JK Simmons and Wiig, were good, but completely under-used.

And mostly, the movie was...well, clunky. I've come to expect a little of that from Mike Judge. I like his movies, but there's a certain amount of clunk to them. I am not sure if everyone feels this way or if it's just a difference in my comedic preferences, but it's always there for me. This time, however, it wasn't just there, it was omni-present. And Judge always uses some sort of shortcut to make a character do something they normally wouldn't. It's never a solid reason, and is really part of the charm of some of the other movies, but in this case, it doesn't work. It just ends up making me feel uncomfortable and condescended to******.

Another bone of contention: the movie just seems to make fun of blue-collar workers in a way that isn't loving or empathetic, as has been the case in his other movies. And really, it's not all that funny. And with a cast like that, I just can't forgive that. So, yeah. Save your money folks.

*************

*Note 1. Oh, I noticed they were all ABC shows. Between this and Disney buying Marvel Comics, I am more than miffed at the Mouse.

**Note 2. I would say not hardcore hardcore...more like Iowa juicebar hardcore.

***Note 3. I'm sure this is how he's described it in interviews.

****Note 4. Preposition dangling free and easy.

*****Note 5. I am an unabashed Affleck fan. Say what you will haters of Affleck, but he's a good actor. And most people I've heard bash him do so because he dates hot women they cannot date. And I can understand the urge (I guess...), but I honestly don't care who he dates. As long as he's doing good work, I'm happy. My only greivence with him is he hasn't done as much work lately.

******Note 6. See Note 3.