Guess where I am...*

This summer has been a shocking departure from last summer's cool, lovely days. I know it's been like that for most everyone, but I am more than a little worried that the rest of my summers are going to be full of the stickiness and misery I'm associating with Minnesota. I know. I know. It's just one summer and even if it is a typical one, next summer will be better if for no other reason than I'll have somewhere to be on a regular basis. So, fine. We'll just have to see about all that.
For now though, it's crappy here. It was so humid I stood up and sweat started pouring off my brow. As many of you probably know, I sweat. Kind of a lot. But this is ridiculous. So, yesterday and today I sought refuge. For a little while I've been going to coffee shops and using their internet and their air conditioning to feel comfortable, but these past two days, I went to William Mitchell.
I've thought about coming on campus a little bit now and again. I mean, I live a block and a half from here, so it's convenient. And I am going to be a student here in the fall. And the library is open to the public. Still. I held myself back. I told myself I didn't really have any business on campus. And it was quasi-desperate to hang around a school you don't quite go to. I didn't belong.
Now though, I feel completely different. Why? Some might say it was the heat combined with the fact that I don't really feel comfortable in the coffee shops around here**. Or maybe I just grew up and saw how desperate I was to belong to something. But the truth is far more...odd. See, yesterday I was in the library. Today I'm in the lounge on the first floor. If I come back tomorrow, I might check out the second floor.
That's right. I'm doing recon. I don't think I consciously decided I needed to do recon, but when I walked into the library yesterday, I immediately walked the first floor before heading up to the second. I was looking for good places to sit. I was looking to see where some of the legal volumes were. And mostly, I was looking to get a feel for everything. I learned where the restrooms are and that I shouldn't wear my flip flops in the library because they squeak a little. I saw that there are assigned cubicles for studying. Today I learned where the vending machines are.
Most of all though, I have found myself really excited at the prospect of belonging here. I know it's still over a month before school starts, but I'm already happy with coming here. I guess I would just let you know that.
UPDATE: The dean just walked by. That was kind of cool.

*Title Note. I am sure it's quite gauche to post pictures of myself on back-to-back posts. But, that last picture sucked and I wanted another shot at it. This one's a little better. And I'll take any excuse to use my new toy, er, um educational tool (yeah) .
**Note 1. I don't drink coffee, so I'm always trying to come up with something to order. You know, something I will like. And if I get a coke, I always feel like they're judging me. And they probably are truthfully. I don't know the dance between barrista and customer. For some reason, it never dawns on me that I shouldn't wait at the counter until my drink is done. I always remember this as they're pouring whatever into the cup.

Law School Affirmation #1

I've been thinking a lot about Grinnell lately. Partially because I had my reunion a little while ago and partially because I'm going to be starting school again soon.

I remember being very frightened going to Grinnell. Confused and bewildered. When you go to college, you're facing a lot of things that are new. New people. New academic challenges. New social challenges. New pyschological challenges. Starting school is a very stressful thing. I remember going into it, I thought I was ready. I thought I was ready, but had the more than sneaking suspicion that I was not ready. And I don't know, but I think that first semester, I mostly failed. Going into Grinnell, I felt I had to be awesome from day one, but I was quickly intimidated by everyone else. It was a shock going from feeling like I was among the smartest people, as I was in high school, to feeling like I was dull and slow-witted. That's how I felt that first week of Grinnell. Everyone was so amazing. So funny. So well-equipped to deal with everything that was happening. So much more than I was.

I did poorly academically. I withdrew into myself and had trouble making new friends. And I was a mess pychologically. It's not a memory that's inspiring a lot of confidence in me as I prepare for my first semester of law school. Obviously, I'm not the same 18 year old mess I was back then. But still. I will be facing a lot of the same challenges. Only, these will be more important, because first semester grades in law school can go a long way to deterimining what sort of track you end up on. If you get poor grades, the story goes, you don't get the good internship/externship/firm placement. If you get good grades, you have a better chance of getting what you want. And being that I'm going to be a little older (or a lot older) than most of my classmates, I am going to need to do well to feel like I have a chance to do what I want. (You know, not that I know exactly what I want right now.)

So. Yeah. Feeling a little bit of stress today. Which is good, actually. I turned in my financial aid paperwork today. And my law school laptop is going to be arriving soon. So, this stress means it's all starting to feel real. And real is good. It's much better than feeling like it's all so far away. Stress I can deal with. And I have the added confidence this time. Confidence that comes from having gotten better at Grinnell. From having made great life-long friends. From being a much more grounded and well put-together person. From knowing that "quote" is a verb, and that "only vile people say 'quote'."*

And most of all, I know now that I'm not really ready. Not for everything. But I know that that's okay. I can adjust. I will have to do it quicker than I did in Grinnell, which I think I can do. But I know I don't have to be awesome from day one. Day one doesn't matter. It's where I can get myself. And I want this. Even if I don't know the exact form of "this". I'm going somewhere now. And if I do this right (and I believe I will), I will be a lot happier than I was that first semester in Grinnell.

Thank you for bearing with this stressy, self-helpy update.

*Note 1. Thank you, Ed Moore. If anyone has not heard Chaucer read in a Georgian accent, they are missing out big time.

William Mitchell it is...

I will be attending William Mitchell College of Law next year.

I've decided and I am really happy with that decision. After my next paycheck on Friday, I'm gonna write out the check for the deposit and wait. And wait.

I mean, there's a lot that has to happen between now and then--moving up to St. Paul, Dinah getting a job, subletting (or reletting) our apartment, me maybe getting a new lap top, saving up some money just in case--but mostly it feels like I'm just biding my time until I get to start going to classes.

Luckily for me, I'm really bad at waiting. I mean, I'm not gonna pull my hair out or anything, but I am filled with no small amount anxiety (probably stemming from the fact that there's no real form or order to the way any of the above-mentioned things that need to happen are actually going to happen). Still. It already feels better knowing I know where I'm going and that it's a firm decision and not a most-likely or a maybe.

I am going to William Mitchell.

Also lucky for me that this is the beautiful gray season in the midwest that inspires all kinds of joy and happy feeling. yay. Still though, the weather here has been rather amazing until today's snow. Most of the rest of the snow we got this winter has melted away and this weekend it even felt like spring, if only for a fleeting moment.

Weather seems to be the thing that most people mention about St. Paul or Minnesota. It's gonna be cold and snowy and winter will last 8 weeks longer than it does here. And they are probably right. But I'm hoping there will be more sun there, which is a dodgy hope at best. But whatever. I've seen Minneapolis in the winter and in the summer and I think it's not gonna be so bad.

And next year, I'll be too busy at law school to care too much about the weather.