Whoo...

Long time no update, but I just wanted to say, my first acceptance letter to law school came!
And I'm 32!
Good day.

LSAT

Three weeks are over. The LSAC guaranteed the LSAT scores by Monday, but were kind enough to send them out yesterday. I had heard rumors that this could happen, so I was obsessively checking my email all day at work. At this point, I was still calm. Something in the back of my head told me I would be doing this on Monday, so there was no point in getting too worked up about it now.

But, it wasn't until I got home and looked at the LSAC website that I saw they had changed the status of my score email date from the 19th (Monday) to 16th (Yesterday). And panic set in. Had I given them the wrong email address? Had I typed it wrong somewhere and my score was out in the unreal reality of the web bouncing around off of porn sites and hate group message boards, dirtying up my pretty score? Do I lose my score if I don't open it soon enough? Or do they just not want to tell me my score? Was it so bad they just want me to have one nice Friday night with my family before I find it out and join a cult or start liking teeny-bopper music and dressing in pastels?

These all seemed reasonable for a while, though I think I was outwardly calm while the wife and I did laundry. When the day started, I was so excited to get the laundry done (no, I really was), but now I wasn't folding my shirts with the passion. I was just thinking about my poor lost score.

Just before going to bed to read (10.30!), I decided to check one last time and hope the prodigal score came home tomorrow. Except this time my score was there. Right at the top of my email box next to a note my father had written about how he had been sick.* I stared for a second before I took control of the suddenly unwieldy mouse and opened it up.

And there, under some words that I still haven't really read was my score.

After the test I didn't feel great about it. I thought, "Okay, that was fine. Not great". And I talked myself into being happy about that. It would have been fine. I would end up going somewhere nice and getting a good financial aid package. Probably. But this score. It's not that many points are such a move up in the percentile, but it feels huge. Law school feels more assured now, which is a nice feeling that I expect to fade in the not too distant future as I think about shoring up my personal statement, drafting up my resume, explaining my speeding ticket and waiting for them to get back to me.

But. For now it's a win. A big win. And one that I really feel like I earned with the many hours of time at the library, being the first one in as the library worker who looks like a hefty and cross-eyed Jeff Daniels let me in. The many different guidebooks I read through and worked in. The practice tests. The stress. The anxiety. Yeah. This one definitely goes in the win column.

*Note 1. Something about his age, maybe, but he likes to go into detail about having the common cold. His woman friend makes good soups, apparently. This was the only thing I learned, though his descriptions of his days watching TV and not feeling any better did paint a picture.

The Eclipse

The Chicago Film Festival started last Thursday. Dinah and I have been going for the last few years. Generally the films are all really good, though there are few clunkers in there.* But last night I saw one of my favorite films. Possibly ever.

The Eclipse.

It's and Irish film directed by Conor McPherson (pictured), who is clearly a genius.

Now, I studied in London my Junior year of college, which was an amazing time. One of the highlights of the time there was all the theater I saw. I saw some amazing plays. The Invention of Love (which was also amazing. Tom Stoppard is also a genius), Oklahoma (with Hugh Jackman, hell yeah!), Phedre, Coppenhagen, and many others. My favorite play I saw, though, was McPherson's The Weir. This play is amazing. The acting was solid. I'm a generally emotional person, but not one who cries in front of others a lot. This play definitely made me cray. (Though, I am unsure if the people I was with really knew it.) From then on, whenever I'm near a book store with a section devoted to plays, I look up McPherson to see if there's a new play of his out. I've pretty much bought everything of his I've run across. And I've really enjoyed everything. So, when we saw a fim he directed was coming to the festival, it was a given I would see it somehow.

Something McPherson does really well is incorporate the otherworldly into his plays. In The Weir, this is done through ghost stories. Other plays it's the devil, or vampires. And, while this may seem to make his plays horror-affairs, the strength of them comes from McPherson's ability to tap into the feelings and emotions of the people who are dealing with the otherworldly. Whatever the phenomona is that the characters deal with, their emotions are the focus of the story. McPherson wrote the screen play with Billy Roche, who has a small part in the film. McPherson also directed the film, as well as helped arranged some of the music, which is very haunting.

I tell you this, because The Eclipse is similar in that way. The film festival guide described the film as being about two men who are after the same woman, who is a writer of supernatural things. Or some such. And the movie is about that, but only in a supporting way. This movie, in my eyes, is really more about a man and his family getting over loss, and the supernatural plays an important part in telling the story. I don't want to give too much away, because I think everyone should see this movie if they can, but I do want to say the lead actor, Ciaran Hinds, was absolutely brilliant. It's a part that required a lot from an actor and Hinds really delivers. Every scene is pitch perfect.**

And the way the camera is used throughout the film is very interesting. Horror films, and in some ways this is a horror film, have long been places of innovation and interesting camera shots and I think that tradition can be seen here. From the way the camera pans, to the angles chosen and what's shown to the viewer in almost every shot--the cinematography was outstanding.

I say this movie is in some ways a horror film, because this movie was really scary. But the frights come not only from the appearance of something frightening, but also because of what that something represents. In other words, it's more than just about being slashed by a sports-apparrell wearing nutbag who kills because he's never been loved. The movie delves into emotions more frightening than that. It's like a mature horror movie. I really cannot overemphasize how great it was.

Please go see it.

*Note 1. Like La Mustache, which was an overwrought French film where a man, after seeing old pictures of him on a tropical island without a mustach, shaves his facial hair. It's a dramatic scene of shaving and I guess it's some sort of transformational moment or something, but guess what? None of this man's friends notice his new lack of facial hair. He become obssessed with wondering why no one notices. He eventually goes insane, moves to a tropical island and guess what? His picture is taken. And the picture is the one he saw before. What a mind fuck! Seriously, it was the worst film I've ever seen. Of course it won the fan award that year. So, I know nothing about film and the genius it takes to write a circular story. You are warned.

**Note 2. It looks like Mr. Hinds has been cast in the final two Harry Potter films. Good for him.

The killing of the past and the coming back to life...

Things can change quickly. I learned that a year ago when I was let go from my job and suddenly had to worry about money in a way that I never had to before. I was only six months into my marriage and as I walked out of the Sears Tower (which it still was back then), I was panicked that this might be a critical blow. I mean, maybe it wouldn't end it, but it certainly couldn't be good for the marriage. And, it wasn't. But after the initial shock, I was lucky to find that my wife is ridiculously supportive of me. And being supportive of me is not always an easy job. I am sometimes unable to listen to the good things about myself and instead insist on tearing myself down. In short, my wife is a saint.

This last year has been tough on me. Being fired, especially to someone raised to believe your work is as important (if not more so) to who you are as your family and such, felt like a cosmic kick in the balls. I've always thought of myself as a star. Not in a, "I can do whatever I want" or "everyone envies me" sort of way, but in a "I always succeed" sort of way. Getting let go put a huge dent in that. It's not that I never knew adversity, but it always seemed easy to handle. Things that seemed huge at the time, like getting good grades in school or getting an apartment where I wanted, they never seemed to be all that hard. I always got at least decent grades in college and there seemed like there were so many apartments that if someone else took this one before I got my deposit in, there'd be another and hey it might work out better. Right after I was let go, I thought it would be easy. Well, not easy, but not so challenging. I thought It'd take a couple weeks or so, but I'd find another, better job. As you know if you've been following the blog, that didn't happen. It was a long year of not hearing from any jobs and being disappointed by the ones I did hear from.

I was lucky to have Dinah. But I was also lucky that I reacted to my initial outsourcing with enough forethought to enter the paralegal program. I don't think I can overstate how good that was for me. Over the course of the time there, I went from having virtually no confidence about myself and my skills to really believing that everything was gonna work out again. I started to see myself as a star again. I was encouraged by my professors and I did well. And I started to think I could, and should, look higher than just what seemed the next rung up on the ladder. So, I registered for the LSAT and started getting serious about going to law school. This had all been a slow change.

But things can change quickly. And they really did this weekend. Saturday morning I took the LSAT. It felt pretty good.* I'm not sure I knocked it out of the park, but I think I did pretty well, and I think it'll be a good score to take me to some very nice law schools. I've got to wait about three weeks to get my score and put it all in perspective for sure, but for now, just having that stress gone from my day-to-day life, I'm a lot happier.

And yesterday, I went in to interview with a small firm that specializes in real-estate here in Chicago. It was a great interview process. They asked tough questions, but for some reason, I was really prepared for them. I can't say I did anything different in preparing for this interview, but I just had a lot more confidence that my experience and skills matched up. And that even though I don't know much about real-estate law, I could learn and excel. And they agreed with me. So, I start tomorrow.

The interviewers were also great at pointing out that this job will be challenging and that it's deadline driven. I will have a lot to learn in a short period of time and there's a lot of stress associated with this job. So, it's not like I'm on easy street or anything. But I'm happy to have a challenge. I'm a little worried that things might not work out. The echoes of this year do still ring in my ears, but I am starting to get that feeling that everything will be okay. Because I was lucky to invest in myself this year. And because I absolutely got lucky to be married to the woman I am. And because even the tough problems turned out to be easier to handle than they could have been.

Though, I hope I'm at the end of employment drama. Handleable, yes. Enjoyable, no.

*Note 1. Except that whoever was supposed to proctor our test didn't show up and we had to wait an hour and a half for another proctor to show up. That I didn't like so much. I did like that I was not the oldest person there, but it was a little disconcerting when I saw a college age woman waiting for the test with her parents. I can't say for sure why it bothered me when her parents kissed her good-bye and handed her her clear plastic bag with her pencils and snack. But, it really did.

Comics (or by not being afraid to fall out the sky)

When I was a little kid, just old enough to love cartoons, I went to the hall closet and grabbed an oversized towel and tied it around my neck. I then went to the kitchen, pulled a chair over to the counter and climbed up. I turned around and looked past the phone into the living room at the front door. Bending my knees slightly, I crept forward, reached my arms into the sky, cried, "Superman!" and lept.

Of course, I didn't soar away to fight Brainiac or Solomon Grundy. I hit the floor. And bounced.

My sister remembers coming in to see what had made such a loud thud, only to find me climbing up from the floor and taking the towel off. When she asked me what happened, I apparently shrugged and went outside to go ride my bike.

***********

I have thought a lot about this story lately. Partly because I have to write up my personal statement for my law school application and one of the things in vogue with these statements is to tell a story about yourself and relate it back to what kind of person you are or why you want to go to law school. So, for a couple minutes, I thought I could tell this story and relate it to my ability to deal with set backs, or my desire to push boundaries or something. This, as you may have guessed, would be a bad idea. Not only is it disengenuous, but it's more than a little trite.

So, yeah. I'm not sure if the personal statement I have now is gonna be as memorable as that story, but it's honest. And it's not so formulaic. So. There's that.

***********

Of course, another reason I've been thinking about that story is to wonder what the hell was I thinking as a kid. Honestly, sometimes I think it's a miracle I made it this far.

***********

The picture I'm displaying is by Alex Ross, who, for those of you not lucky enough to have come across his work, is the best. He is a painter who has worked extensively in the comic book genre, and, as you can see, he makes very life-like images of the superheroes he depicts.

If you're looking to see some of his best work and have a good read, I recommend Kingdom Come, which looks at the intersection of faith and superheroes (among other things). It's one of my favorite graphic novels and it owes a lot to the thought Ross puts into casting the superheroes. I say casting, because he will often model the superheroes on people he knows. And if you think my praising him is at least partly motivated by the thought of him appreciating my praise and thinking I would make a good model*, well, you know me only too well.

***********

I was never a big fan of Superman as a kid. Maybe I was before I bounced off the kitchen floor, but not after, that's for sure. I was always partial to Batman. Maybe I lacked the imagination to identify with the super-powered characters, but I think it was also because I knew I couldn't ever become one. I had accepted that I would never shoot lasers out of my eyes or be able to fly. But, maybe I would be able to be a great detective who helped people. It's not so much that I could see myself fighting people or anything. I knew better than that, but I thought I could do the other things.

As I've grown up though (and you could argue a sign of my growing up would be to stop reading comics, but whatever), I've started to feel more affinity for Superman. I don't really watch Smallville, or even follow his character in the comic books. (But, then, I'm not reading any Batman books now either.) I just like the idea of him. And how he's been portrayed in some of the books I've read (like Kingdom Come). He's not so much the cocky, all-powerful man of steel I saw him as when I was younger. He's more riddled with doubt. He's burdened by expectations--some external, but mainly internal--that he is the last, best hope of everyone. That he has to do everything better than anyone else. In short, he's much more human than I originally thought.

***********

I can't talk about my comics love without mentioning how awesome Blackest Night has been. I'm a little behind in my reading, but seriously, Geoff Johns is writing some great comic books. I mean, the premise is one of those so simple ideas that you can't believe it hasn't been done already. So, you had the Green Lanterns, who are powered by will power, right? Well, Johns takes the rest of the ROY G BIV color spectrum and gives them lanterns and emotions that power them. And then throws in black, which is run by death. Such a great idea.

His run on Green Lantern, from bringing back Hal Jordan (who has become my favorite character), to everything in Blackest Night, has been phenominal. And it's probably changed the character forever, in a great way.

*Note 1. I have often thought I would make a nice Foggy Nelson.

Yup, another Mega-update...or (I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar)

Look, I know this isn't what good blogs do. They give you content everyday. They give you something interesting to think about. Even if they just talk about themselves, at least they give you something to chuckle about.

And hey, I would like to be a good blog. But I'm not, right now. It's okay. It's out there now. Let's move on.

*************

Watch Glee tomorrow. Look, TV has been quite the tease for me the last couple of years. Last year, three shows I really liked got cancelled, despite the fact that they were good shows. Eli Stone, Dirty Sexy Money, and most heinously, Pushing Daisies* were all shot down. (Though Pushing Daisies is coming back in comic book form, which I am thrilled about. Seriously, this has all the markings of awesome.) So, I need this one.

FOX showed the pilot twice and I enjoyed it both times. The show delves into the realm of cheese, but purposefully. It's quirky and fun. Tomorrow's show will be the start of the first season, so seriously folks get on board. You will thank me.

*************

Some of my procrastination has been well-founded, though. I have been studying for the LSAT pretty hardcore** right now. My scores have popped up to the level I wanted them to be, so with 17 days 13 hours and 22 minutes left (as of this typing) I'm feeling pretty good about my shot of hitting this test hard. The little bit of doubt I'm having now is what's keeping me headed to the library. That's good.

The bad news about this test is that I am not allowed to wear a hat during it. And I can't bring my iPod and get all Michael Phelps (above picture) jazzed up*** before I start. I don't know why the loss of the iPod and my lucky Cardinals hat is bothering me, but...well...okay, I'm oddly superstitious. I know they're trying to keep me from cheating, but honestly, I'm not smart enough to think of a way to cheat with just my hat and an iPod, except to have a recording of Obi Wan Kenobe going on repeat just saying, "Joe! Use the contrapositive."

Sigh. Oh well.

*************

Also, last week, I got to work on a trial with the attorney I've been doing work for****. What sort of trial, you ask?

a MURDER trial.

It freaked my mom out when I told her.

So, yeah. It was really cool. I mean, I didn't, you know, get to ask questions or anything, but I reviewed documents and helped with the prep. I took notes and reviewed testimony and gave opinions on questions and such. I mean, it's probably not the biggest, bestest thing ever, but I helped. I actually caught a detail that, if it had slipped past my boss (and it probably wouldn't have) could have really messed things up for our client.

And really, more important than that, is how much I enjoyed watching it. I know it's probably not the right thing to say. I mean, it's a human tragedy playing out infront of me, but it's exciting to watch. The questioning, the answers, the manuevering. Yeah. This is where I want to be. This is what I want to do. It's been a really, really long time where I felt like I had potential. You know? I heard it so much when I was a kid. "You have potential." Potential for what I never really thought about. But now, it's like I can see it. I know it's a ways down the pike for me, but I'm working on it. And just having the direction--the beacon out there in the future somewhere--it's such a different feeling. It's better than I felt when looking at college, because now I know where I'm heading for beyond the term of school. I don't know the details yet, but I know the picture. And it was all there in that courtroom. And I can do this.

The benches were uncomfortable though. Have to say that.

*************

So, we say Extract yesterday. And I gotta say, I was hugely dissappointed. I looked at the cast--with Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck***** and JK Simmons and Kristen Wiig--I was pretty excited. And the cast did well. Bateman was solid. Affleck was good--honestly, he gives the best performance in the movie. JK Simmons and Wiig, were good, but completely under-used.

And mostly, the movie was...well, clunky. I've come to expect a little of that from Mike Judge. I like his movies, but there's a certain amount of clunk to them. I am not sure if everyone feels this way or if it's just a difference in my comedic preferences, but it's always there for me. This time, however, it wasn't just there, it was omni-present. And Judge always uses some sort of shortcut to make a character do something they normally wouldn't. It's never a solid reason, and is really part of the charm of some of the other movies, but in this case, it doesn't work. It just ends up making me feel uncomfortable and condescended to******.

Another bone of contention: the movie just seems to make fun of blue-collar workers in a way that isn't loving or empathetic, as has been the case in his other movies. And really, it's not all that funny. And with a cast like that, I just can't forgive that. So, yeah. Save your money folks.

*************

*Note 1. Oh, I noticed they were all ABC shows. Between this and Disney buying Marvel Comics, I am more than miffed at the Mouse.

**Note 2. I would say not hardcore hardcore...more like Iowa juicebar hardcore.

***Note 3. I'm sure this is how he's described it in interviews.

****Note 4. Preposition dangling free and easy.

*****Note 5. I am an unabashed Affleck fan. Say what you will haters of Affleck, but he's a good actor. And most people I've heard bash him do so because he dates hot women they cannot date. And I can understand the urge (I guess...), but I honestly don't care who he dates. As long as he's doing good work, I'm happy. My only greivence with him is he hasn't done as much work lately.

******Note 6. See Note 3.

Got Fuel to Burn, Got Roads to Drive

Well. I graduated from my paralegal program. I took my last final last Wednesday. I have one meeting left, but all my work is in, so I'm done.

It's weird to think about. For the last year, I've been working toward getting this certificate and now it's over. Overall, I have to say this program was really good for me. Even though my plan is to go to law school next year and use my certificate for only a year or so, I think the fact that it made me believe I could go to law school and succeed in law makes it worth while.

Still. I feel like it's a little like high school. I remember when I graduated, my mom was insistent that I have a graduation party. It was tradition. It was a good excuse for family to get together. And it would be fun. But, I didn't really want one. I remember telling her that I didn't really feel like I had accomplished much and that I didn't think it was worth celebrating. Her answer, after months of trying to reason with me, was, "Well. Tough."

But, yeah. Now. I really don't feel like celebrating too much. Don't get me wrong, it's a good program and I feel good about getting through it. But. I've got the LSAT to worry about and I've started writing my personal statement. And I'm still without employment. So. Yeah. I'm happy I made it (and, unless my math is wrong, I made it with honors, thank you very much), but there are miles to go...

**********

LSAT studying is going well. My pretest scores have gone up and I'm really starting to see the framework of the test and my confidence is much higher. I don't exactly know how it will translate into a score, but I feel good about it. And that's a big enough change for me to feel happy about. It's nice that I feel like my hours of study are helping.

I was really panicky about this test when I started studying. Now, I'm less panicky and more confident.

**********

Dinah and I visited Minneapolis/St. Paul last weekend and it was magnificent. It was good to see her brother and his family. Their daughter is almost two now and (this is gonna sound dumb) she's like a little person. She's walking and almost talking and it's great.

At first, she was a little shy and didn't want to play with Dinah or I, but she warmed up to us. And that was really awesome. I don't know. I grew up with distant uncles who weren't very fun or interesting, and it's really important to me that I don't be the same way. So yeah. It was great to play name that animal with her. Or where's Uncle Joe. Good fun.

But. We weren't there just to see the family (though we hadn't seen them since Christmas, which seems like forever when a kid is growing). Dinah was there to look around. And I was there to look at a couple law schools. The first school I looked at was William Mitchell Law School. I met with someone in their admissions department. I didn't know what to expect walking in, but I was really impressed. I can see myself there and I can see myself being happy.

The second place I looked at was the University of Minnesota Law School. I can also see myself there, which is confusing.

See. When I chose Grinnell, I didn't really have much of a choice, by design. I applied at two schools and I knew I wanted to go to Grinnell. I got into the other school first and went for a visit. I liked it, well enough. If I would've ended up going there, I would've been fine. But I knew it wasn't where I wanted to go. And I think that would've bothered me. But with these two schools (and I have to remember these aren't the only schools I will apply to and that we may not even be in Minneapolis/St. Paul, so there's more to think about than what I would personally be happy with...), I can see myself being happy with either one. They both have strengths that I think would fit well with what I want to do.*

Ultimately though, I think we want to be in the Minnesota/St. Paul area, and I should just be happy it looks like I've got to great options for law school. I mean, it could come down to money or one of them may not want me, but all things being equal, it's good to know I feel I could be happy at two places.

***********
The one bad thing about the MN visit was that I lost my phone. Which wasn't good. I had driven Dinah to a meeting an hour and a half early because I had my William Mitchell meeting. And while she was gonna have her meeting, I would be on my way to my U of MN meeting and I was gonna call her afterwards to see where she was and pick her up. Without a phone, this plan falls apart.
But I don't discover I've lost my phone until after I get out of my Mitchell meeting. So, I drive over to where I drop her off and wait around where I know her meeting is. After 30 minutes, I catch her, but just as she's meeting her person. So, I interrupt and we work out a new plan really quickly. Good good.
So we look all over my brother-in-law's house. We go back to Mitchell thinking I may have dropped it there. We check with their lost and found. And nothing.
Fast forward to a week later, after I've switched my phone to my old clunker phone and I'm looking through my bag to get it ready for my last class and guess what? There's my phone. Right where I'd put it.
This is not a moment I'll be writing about in my personal statement.
***********

Dinah and I saw (500) Days of Summer Saturday. Great movie. I loved this movie so much. Generally, I am not a big fan of the romantic comedy genre, but between this movie and Away We Go***, this summer has been a great time to see good, thoughtful, well-acted romantic comedies. The Harrison Ford cameo was worth the price of admission alone. And that's just the beginning of, what I have to say, was one of the most fun and honest representations of a man's feelings when he's just fallen in love. But, even without this scene, the movie is good. Really worth seeing.

***********
Yeah, so not everything is great, but I have been feeling a lot more optimistic about things. It's just really starting to feel like things are going to come together. Even if it's not going according to Plan A, I feel like there are plenty of other good things popping up that I think things will work out as we want them.
**********

*Note1. U of MN has a Law School musical every year, which I shouldn't figure into my decision, but the thought of listing "Judd from Oklahoma" on my resume...I mean, that has to be considered, right?**

**Note2. Of course it does!

***Note3. Seriously, Maya Rudolph was so great. And John Krasinski was good. Great script, great direction. I don't know if this movie is out anymore, but it's worth seeing. And certainly worth renting.