Until I get married. Well...Yesterday. Today it's just 99 days.
It's really shocking when you find someone who sees you with all your baggage and all the drama that is going on in your life and they never seem to wither away from you.
Whether we have the right napkins or not, I'm ready to get married now...
Friday, December 21, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
That's great, it starts with an earthquake...
At the holiday party last Thursday, a lawyer who I hadn't really talked to sat next to me. This was after dinner (at the Shanghai Terrace - very nice!) and drinks which it was clear he had partaken in. He wasn't handsy or anything, but he slurred a couple words and was overly apologetic in a way that someone who is a little too tipsy for their own comfort can be.
We were just talking and he asked where I was from, where I went to school, and what I wanted to do. I told him I went to Grinnell College, and he seemed impressed (it's a very good school and I didn't break any records for academic achievement, but I did pretty well). Then he asked why I was working as a file clerk. I told him I was hoping to get my "creative writing career" going and this was just paying the bills.
I specifically mentioned I wanted to write comics. he asked if I had noticed if our firm represented any comic book publishers. I had and we do. It's not either of the big two, but it's got a good reputation and puts out good books (kissing up? You betcha.)
He said he'd try to help me finagle a way to get my stuff in front of people, "because you need to start planning for your time after" the firm.
Wow. I was shocked and happy. Getting a break like this would be perfect. Exactly what I wanted/needed.
All I had to do was try to find out the attorney who handled the publisher and be ready to accept that he or she might not want to bother their client.
Fair enough.
. . .
Two work days later. Monday at about 3.20, I report to the conference room to talk to my boss and the uber-boss on speaker phone.
Apparently my job has been outsourced. That's the bad news.
The good news, is that they're working with an outsourcing company that may want to hire me and put me right where I am now.
I was floored. I'd just gotten my review a week before and I'd done well. Very well. I mean, it was apparent my boss had put little time or thought into it, but I got a good bonus and I was supposed to get a good raise, so everything was good, right?
I guess yes and no.
During the talk I got from my boss as well as the three people from the outsourcing agency (which seems really good, despite the first picture that outsourcing brings up) kept bringing up that this was a "business decision".
It's cliché of me to deride that what's a "business decision" for them is in fact very personal to me, but it is. Though, that doesn't change anything.
What really strikes me about this (aside from doing it a week before Christmas, which is bad form--business decision or not) is how much I'm not panicking. I'm worried. Definitely concerned. But I'm not yanking out my hair.
Maybe part of the lack of panic comes from still being part of their plans, though part of me does want to tell them to shove it.
But I think I just don't really feel that attached to this job. I like it okay, most the time. I do it well most days. But, I can do better. I should do better.
Another, probably more major part of it, is I'm really starting to see how fragile everything is. And not in that scary, it's gonna break if I fuck it up sort of way, but more, it can break if I don't build it up, sort of way.
I remember a conversation with my father after I was out of college, living in a shit-box apartment, getting over a terrible break-up (a good deal of the terribleness being my fault and causing no little amount of self-doubt and self-loathing). During the conversation, I told my father, "I just feel like I'm floating. Directionless." I don't remember what my father said exactly, but it was sort of a message of don't worry, you'll figure it out. It's okay to float for a while. Okay advice, but I never became fully un-floating. Facets of my life have taken direction, and I've pointed my way on a certain number of them. My career hasn't been one of them.
So, I'll probably end up right where I am now (barring anything unforeseen), getting around the same salary. Doing mostly the same work. Getting better benefits (which I found odd, but sure). This might be better in the short-term and possibly long-term if my writing isn't what I think it is. So, that's good.
But, hopefully I won't be as comfortable. Hopefully the cocoon is broken.
I don't know the lawyer's offer will get me anywhere, but it's a chance. And if I hustle I can get more chances. And that's what I need.
We were just talking and he asked where I was from, where I went to school, and what I wanted to do. I told him I went to Grinnell College, and he seemed impressed (it's a very good school and I didn't break any records for academic achievement, but I did pretty well). Then he asked why I was working as a file clerk. I told him I was hoping to get my "creative writing career" going and this was just paying the bills.
I specifically mentioned I wanted to write comics. he asked if I had noticed if our firm represented any comic book publishers. I had and we do. It's not either of the big two, but it's got a good reputation and puts out good books (kissing up? You betcha.)
He said he'd try to help me finagle a way to get my stuff in front of people, "because you need to start planning for your time after" the firm.
Wow. I was shocked and happy. Getting a break like this would be perfect. Exactly what I wanted/needed.
All I had to do was try to find out the attorney who handled the publisher and be ready to accept that he or she might not want to bother their client.
Fair enough.
. . .
Two work days later. Monday at about 3.20, I report to the conference room to talk to my boss and the uber-boss on speaker phone.
Apparently my job has been outsourced. That's the bad news.
The good news, is that they're working with an outsourcing company that may want to hire me and put me right where I am now.
I was floored. I'd just gotten my review a week before and I'd done well. Very well. I mean, it was apparent my boss had put little time or thought into it, but I got a good bonus and I was supposed to get a good raise, so everything was good, right?
I guess yes and no.
During the talk I got from my boss as well as the three people from the outsourcing agency (which seems really good, despite the first picture that outsourcing brings up) kept bringing up that this was a "business decision".
It's cliché of me to deride that what's a "business decision" for them is in fact very personal to me, but it is. Though, that doesn't change anything.
What really strikes me about this (aside from doing it a week before Christmas, which is bad form--business decision or not) is how much I'm not panicking. I'm worried. Definitely concerned. But I'm not yanking out my hair.
Maybe part of the lack of panic comes from still being part of their plans, though part of me does want to tell them to shove it.
But I think I just don't really feel that attached to this job. I like it okay, most the time. I do it well most days. But, I can do better. I should do better.
Another, probably more major part of it, is I'm really starting to see how fragile everything is. And not in that scary, it's gonna break if I fuck it up sort of way, but more, it can break if I don't build it up, sort of way.
I remember a conversation with my father after I was out of college, living in a shit-box apartment, getting over a terrible break-up (a good deal of the terribleness being my fault and causing no little amount of self-doubt and self-loathing). During the conversation, I told my father, "I just feel like I'm floating. Directionless." I don't remember what my father said exactly, but it was sort of a message of don't worry, you'll figure it out. It's okay to float for a while. Okay advice, but I never became fully un-floating. Facets of my life have taken direction, and I've pointed my way on a certain number of them. My career hasn't been one of them.
So, I'll probably end up right where I am now (barring anything unforeseen), getting around the same salary. Doing mostly the same work. Getting better benefits (which I found odd, but sure). This might be better in the short-term and possibly long-term if my writing isn't what I think it is. So, that's good.
But, hopefully I won't be as comfortable. Hopefully the cocoon is broken.
I don't know the lawyer's offer will get me anywhere, but it's a chance. And if I hustle I can get more chances. And that's what I need.
UPDATE: The office admin just sent around a memo that doesn't mention me, or the other employees effected by name. Just says, "our present employees". Shouldn't bother me. Does.
...Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right.
...Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Wedding Music...
Putting together the music for the dancing/partying part of the reception has been a lot more difficult than I originally thought it would be. Going into it, I just thought, well, I'll just put together 3 - 4 hours of music I like and that'll work. And it would've, except that we invited other people, and they don't all want to hear Poison and Morris Day and the Time. I know I have to have a first dance with my lady, but otherwise, I don't want to be one of only two people up there. So, I had to sit down and try to organize a playlist that will get other people dancing and will still be fun for me.
I don't want the music to be generic wedding music; I want something that'll reflect our tastes. The problem with that is most people agree that my taste in music is....well, horrible. So, I had to ask myself some questions, as well as answer questions from other concerned people. These are those questions with some answers:
1. Can I play any song by Boston? Sadly, No. Not even Amanda.
2. Is there a way to include 3 Backstreet Boys songs? Probably not. 2 though.
3. What's a good 1st dance song?/What will your 1st dance be? There are plenty of options, but really, I want to have something that's not been done before. I went to a wedding where Summer of 69 was the 1st dance. It was their "song". We dont' really have a "song". And, as much as I like that song, it's out of the running just because someone else used it, right? Now, I'm pretty sure we're set on a 1st dance. It's different, sweet without being sacharine and it's the most closely guarded secret I have other than where I buried my Ken Griffey Jr. rookie cards in 5th grade. (seriously, it was what a pirate would've done.)
4. How can I keep it interesting for everyone? Seriously, not as hard as I thought. I think the playlist will be a little front-loaded with more familiar songs, so that the older croud will be more interested. And I'm sort of banking on the fact that they'll either a) leave earlier, b) get tired of dancing, or c) not be able to hold their liquor as well as the younger crowd. But still, the more familiar songs are still pretty good. We've got some Jackson 5 in there, some B-52's, a little Jackie Wilson; there's good stuff up front.
5. So, it won't be just songs you listened to with your friends in college? No. But some of the old favorites have to be there. I mean, we're holding it at our college.
6. Will there by any hokey-pokey? Sadly, no. Dinah was injured in a hokey pokey accident when she was younger, so it would be too much to ask her to dance that cursed jig. (That might not be true.)
7. Seriously, no hokey-pokey? Then what about Chicken Dance? The rumor around the campfire is that a soon to be in-law of mine will be leading this with my future wife. And, yes, that's the gene pool my children will wade out of.
8. Have you found a place to put some Springsteen in? This is the most glaring ommision so far. Bruce is a favorite of mine and he's written so many good songs, but we (really I) can't find one that's dancey enough to work. (I can't do Dancing in the Dark, because I'm still so jealous of Courtney Cox.) UPDATE: I may have found a slow dance Springsteen that I can work in. So just know, New Jersey, order has been restored.
9. You lead us to believe there may be no Morris Day and the Time. And Poison. That can't be right. Listen, whatever party I go to/throw has room for Morris Day and the Time. That's a given. I won't even consider a wedding without Jungle Love. Poison, though. That's a tough call. I know my mom will be upset if I don't play Unskinny Bop. But, I think it might not make the cut. So far it isn't there.
10. Wow. So. No Boston. No Poison. What are you playing? Well. I want some surprises, but there's a lot of good stuff. Some Chubby Checker, Fleetwood Mac, a surprising amount of Michael Jackson, David Allan Coe (natch), Kenny Loggins, Wilson Picket, Talking Heads, The Coasters, They Might Be Giants. Good stuff.
11. Will there be anything for the hipsters? Um. Elvis Costello? He wears those cool glasses. That's hip right?
12. That's it Elvis Costello? Um. Next question.
13. So. Is everyone required to dance? Yes. I think in the invitations will be schedule of which dances everyone is supposed to dance and where. Dinah and I have put a lot of thought into what couples should dance next to each other, based on height, personality, wingspan, whether their suits/dresses might clash, OBP, and our own whimsy and capricious nature.
Anyway, I hope that clears things up and gets everyone (anyone) ready to have a good time.
I don't want the music to be generic wedding music; I want something that'll reflect our tastes. The problem with that is most people agree that my taste in music is....well, horrible. So, I had to ask myself some questions, as well as answer questions from other concerned people. These are those questions with some answers:
1. Can I play any song by Boston? Sadly, No. Not even Amanda.
2. Is there a way to include 3 Backstreet Boys songs? Probably not. 2 though.
3. What's a good 1st dance song?/What will your 1st dance be? There are plenty of options, but really, I want to have something that's not been done before. I went to a wedding where Summer of 69 was the 1st dance. It was their "song". We dont' really have a "song". And, as much as I like that song, it's out of the running just because someone else used it, right? Now, I'm pretty sure we're set on a 1st dance. It's different, sweet without being sacharine and it's the most closely guarded secret I have other than where I buried my Ken Griffey Jr. rookie cards in 5th grade. (seriously, it was what a pirate would've done.)
4. How can I keep it interesting for everyone? Seriously, not as hard as I thought. I think the playlist will be a little front-loaded with more familiar songs, so that the older croud will be more interested. And I'm sort of banking on the fact that they'll either a) leave earlier, b) get tired of dancing, or c) not be able to hold their liquor as well as the younger crowd. But still, the more familiar songs are still pretty good. We've got some Jackson 5 in there, some B-52's, a little Jackie Wilson; there's good stuff up front.
5. So, it won't be just songs you listened to with your friends in college? No. But some of the old favorites have to be there. I mean, we're holding it at our college.
6. Will there by any hokey-pokey? Sadly, no. Dinah was injured in a hokey pokey accident when she was younger, so it would be too much to ask her to dance that cursed jig. (That might not be true.)
7. Seriously, no hokey-pokey? Then what about Chicken Dance? The rumor around the campfire is that a soon to be in-law of mine will be leading this with my future wife. And, yes, that's the gene pool my children will wade out of.
8. Have you found a place to put some Springsteen in? This is the most glaring ommision so far. Bruce is a favorite of mine and he's written so many good songs, but we (really I) can't find one that's dancey enough to work. (I can't do Dancing in the Dark, because I'm still so jealous of Courtney Cox.) UPDATE: I may have found a slow dance Springsteen that I can work in. So just know, New Jersey, order has been restored.
9. You lead us to believe there may be no Morris Day and the Time. And Poison. That can't be right. Listen, whatever party I go to/throw has room for Morris Day and the Time. That's a given. I won't even consider a wedding without Jungle Love. Poison, though. That's a tough call. I know my mom will be upset if I don't play Unskinny Bop. But, I think it might not make the cut. So far it isn't there.
10. Wow. So. No Boston. No Poison. What are you playing? Well. I want some surprises, but there's a lot of good stuff. Some Chubby Checker, Fleetwood Mac, a surprising amount of Michael Jackson, David Allan Coe (natch), Kenny Loggins, Wilson Picket, Talking Heads, The Coasters, They Might Be Giants. Good stuff.
11. Will there be anything for the hipsters? Um. Elvis Costello? He wears those cool glasses. That's hip right?
12. That's it Elvis Costello? Um. Next question.
13. So. Is everyone required to dance? Yes. I think in the invitations will be schedule of which dances everyone is supposed to dance and where. Dinah and I have put a lot of thought into what couples should dance next to each other, based on height, personality, wingspan, whether their suits/dresses might clash, OBP, and our own whimsy and capricious nature.
Anyway, I hope that clears things up and gets everyone (anyone) ready to have a good time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)