Just around the corner to the light of day...

1 class left, tomorrow. Then a little time for review and then finals. It's amazing to think this year is ending. I've been in review for finals mode for a little over a week, but mostly without the complete realization that I actually have to take these tests. I've been putting in work and making sure I'm getting things in order, but there has been very little stress about it. In my mind they were still so far away that it was not time to panic--that will come in time, I'm sure.
Instead, this last week was spent worrying about my writing class, next year's schedule, and how I'm viewed by my fellow law students. As I think I mentioned in my last post, the only thing left for my writing class was giving "oral arguments" on my "motion" last Tuesday. Originally, I wasn't overly worried about it. I had an outline of points to cover and was ready for some questions I thought I would be asked. But at the last minute, I came down with a case of the worries and decided I should freak out about it, and three hours standing in front of a mirror giving my presentation. I think this probably helped my presentation, but the whole time I was doing it I was filled with a feeling of panic. It's partially because the writing class is, well, a writing class, which didn't emphasize the oral presentation stuff all the much, so I was not well-practiced. In addition, I think that feeling of panic also came from my self-imposed pressure to be good at this particular skill. This is what lawyers in the field I want to join do.
But I think I was also a little surprised that after a year of law school, I didn't feel more prepared or confident or something. Not that I blame the school or my professors or anything. I think last year, I just assumed I'd be more confident after a year of law school. More on this in a minute.
And also as I mentioned in my last post, I registered for 14 credits next semester--most of them meeting on Monday and Wednesday. And I'm going to try to write on to law review--notoriously time-consuming. And I'm going to be on the board of one student organization. And I'm working with a group of students to start a learning community for 1L's interested in public interest law. And I'm going to want to volunteer next semester. I keep telling myself this is all very doable, but when I list it out I start to feel a little panicky. I did a good job this year taking on some added challenges without killing myself. It just took some planning and discipline in sticking with my reading schedule. Next year can be just the same, right?
One of the cruelest tricks the writing class over-professors* pulled this year was the implementation of a peer-rating system. This is apparently the first year they have done this. The way it worked was every student was given a list of the students in our writing class--10 students for my section. And for every student, we were asked to assign a number from 1 to 5. It wasn't exactly clear what we were supposed to base our judgments on, but 5 was good and 1 was bad. The reason they told us for implementing this was to show us the importance of our reputation**--after all, our classmates would be the people who would be likely to refer us work and this was vital to our success beyond law school. Now, I did "well" on this, for whatever that means (and I don't think it means much). But lately, this concern about how other students see me has crept up on me. It's been there all year, but mostly I've managed to put it aside after I messed something up, or even if I did well. I've been able to keep on track and concentrate on trying to understand the material. But law school is a social place. Everyone is spending a lot of alone time with their books and notes, and we need to be social or they'll go batty. So, I guess I've put heightened pressure on myself to be more social, and with pretty good results, actually. But that heightened pressure has really made me uncomfortable. I'm not bad at being social, until I put a lot of pressure on myself--then I'm just nervous and awkward.
So, as I prepare to hit the reading days, I'm gonna do it with some calmness. Because this is a happy time. The sun is shining, and the grass is now decidedly green here. I've got four finals, all of which I can do well on. And then four magically days where I have no assignments before I do law review. And then my clerkship. Yes. This is definitely a happy time.

*Note 1. I say 'over-professors', because there are sort of two levels of professors for this class. There's the ones who lead classes and grade your writing. I really liked these professors, but they don't really have any control over the curriculum. The second level, the over-professors, do. They make the syllabus, pick the books and decide what the assignments will be.
**Note 2. Because law school students don't already feel the pressure of impressing the rest of the class, or, at the very least, not making a fool of ourselves. Ridiculous. And honestly, what do these numbers mean? What happens if my number went down? What happens if they went up? Did I do something or is it just someone put down a different number for an arbitrary reason?

Wrapping up.

It's a gray day in St. Paul. It snowed last night, but luckily the temperatures have risen into the forties and melted all of the accumulation away. The grass is starting to turn green, despite the low temps and the lack of sunlight.

And it is on this sullen day that the bright light has beamed down on me, because today I have finished my reading for Contracts, Torts, and (very importantly) Civil Procedure. I must pause now to hear the songs of angels and to sop away the tears that are filling my face.

...

Now that I'm a little more together, I have to qualify that previous statement that I am done with my reading for those classes--I am going to be a lawyer, so qualifying things is sort of what I'm gonna do. I am done reading those for the first time. In putting together my outlines and studying, I will undoubtedly have to read some parts, or possibly all (I'm looking at you Civil Procedure) of them again. But damn if it don't feel good to be through with the first read.

You've probably noticed that I took five classes and am done with only three. Well, my writing class had its final paper due last Tuesday, and all that's left for that class is a simulated hearing where I present my "motion". Still something to worry about and prepare for, but the heavy lifting for that is done. That leaves Property, which I left for last because it's going to be discussed later, and because I am enjoying the readings a lot right now.

Anyway, to sum up, I've got one week left of classes. Almost a week of reading time after that. And then I have two weeks of exams. Then four days off. Then law review write-on starts. Then I start my clerkship. And then I'm back here for my second year.

Speaking of which, this week was also registration. I pretty much got the classes I expected I'd be able to get. But immediately following registration I had this feeling of doubt about whether I'm taking on too much. You see, I've registered for 14 credits (but it's a "hard 14" from what I've heard about a couple of the classes) and I'm hoping to get on to law review. Plus I've run for a couple of positions on student organizations and I definitely want to volunteer again next year. Oh, and let's not forget that I somehow managed to bunch five hours of class on both Mondays and Wednesdays for first semester, which is either a stroke of genius, a stroke of luck, or a stroke-inducing blunder. So, yeah. Throw on top of this that everyone has decided now is the time to reveal that 2L is wayyyy harder than 1L, and I'm just a tad worried.

But worry is for later. Right now, I get to feel good about finishing things up.

Just wait in that corner until that breeze blows in...

As you might expect, the last couple of weeks have been really rough. We're hitting the home stretch and, with finals around the corner, there's a lot of work to be done. Outlines need to be made. Reading needs to be done. Schedules need to be figured out for next semester. Memos need to be written. And what's more, the stress level seems to have been kicked up a level, because of finals and because of Professors telling us that this year was hard, but that next year will be harder. With all of that going on, you can believe me when I tell you that I've been running on fumes, which isn't the best sign considering there's 2 weeks of classes and finals left.

At the beginning of this week, I had decided I was just going to have to put my head down and hope that a second wind kicks in. But I was not hopeful. And Monday morning, when I was put "on-call" for a contracts case, I felt weary. You see, our Contract professor has a system where she names "co-counsel" for class who have to answer most of the questions about the case or problem we're going to deal with. It's a nice middle ground between cold-calling and the predictability of being told exactly what cases you're responsible for. Still, when you see your name hit the board, your heart drops a bit. But, as luck would have it, I was down on the list and me and the guy in front of me got held over with 1 case left.

So Wednesday, he and I would have to team present this case together. Which is pretty common for the big cases, like this one. Tuesday night, I read the case over and checked my notes. I was ready for that case. I knew that case. I was confident that she could ask me anything about that case and I would know the answer or where to look for it, so that I could come up with a response quickly. Which of course meant that on Wednesday, the guy in front of me had to present that case on his own. I was to get another case.

And you know what? I hit that damned thing out of the park.

They've been telling us this semester was the semester where we would start "feeling like attorneys", and I did not believe them. What does it mean to feel like an attorney? But, you know what? As I was presenting that case, I felt like I knew what I was doing. I knew what was important about this case and what wasn't. And I came across like I knew what I was doing, which doesn't always happen when you do know what's going on. So, I guess that's what it feels like to be an attorney.

But more important than that, is I got a big win. Right when I needed it. I know it's tempting fate to say this, but I think I've got my second wind. And that's good, because it's gonna take a lot of effort to get through finals.

****

But it doesn't end there for me. About four days after finals end for me, I'm going to attempt to write-on to law review, which I've been told is a harrowing experience. Mitchell gives us three weeks to do it, partially to accommodate people who have full-time jobs or clerkships that begin right away. But, I think they also give us three weeks because it's hard. Really hard. I don't know much about this yet, as I haven't asked too many questions, but there's an information session next week and I'll get it figured out then.

Also next week, I get to register for my classes for next semester. Which I am so excited about. I think I've got it all planned out. It mostly pivots on whether I can get into a section of Criminal Procedure that is rumored to be terribly hard to get into, because the professor is awesome. So, we'll see. But, even if I don't get into that section, I'm excited by some of the other classes I'm looking at. I'm mostly going to take some required classes, but they look interesting. If nothing else, they will be different, and they'll lead me to be able to take other classes the semester after that.

To sum up--things are good now. I'm working hard, but it doesn't feel like drudgery. It may descend back into drudgery, but if there's one thing I've learned this year, it's that when I feel good, I should just enjoy it. There's always something around the corner that could take it away--usually that something is Civil Procedure.