This weekend, it snowed in St. Paul. A lot. We were expected to get somewhere between 10 and 20 inches, and I think we ended up getting 13 inches.* Which wouldn't be depressing, except that this past week it was well above freezing and we were finally making progress toward seeing the grass. So now it feels like all that progress is going to be lost. Not that we were actually doing anything other than wait for the temparature to rise.
But as I was going to the gym this morning, I noticed something. It was light out. The laboring through the dark days of winter is over. Yeah, it's not exactly spring, but the days are noticeably longer. And that feels like spring is coming.
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And this week is midterms, which doesn't seem right. But, I have been at school, working hard, for half a semester. So, that means midterms, I guess. I only have two, so that's good. But it's kind of frightening to me that I'm halfway through my second semester already. The first semester went quickly, but I felt like I was just hanging on and trying to not to fall apart.
This semester, things have kicked into a higer notch and I am busier, but I don't feel the same sort of craze. I'm (somewhat) calmer. I don't know if you'd notice it if you observed me last semester and this semester, because I'm still working hard. But, I think I'm understanding things now. I feel more sure of myself. And I'm sure that I have time to get things done. I've joined a couple other groups and I've taken on a couple other volunteer projects. I mean, I don't want to shock anyone, but I'm enjoying law school. You know, mostly.
And that's good. I'm moving forward.
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Spring break is coming up! Right after finals, I'm gonna...well, I'm gonna start working on my Contracts outline. But I'm not going to have to go to class that week. So that's good. And I will get out of St. Paul for a while.
A friend of mine is getting married in Atlanta, where it will likely be 60 plus degrees. A lot of my college friends are going to be there and it should be a fun time. I'm so looking forward to it. Weddings are just the best. Watching two people come together and say, I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with you, is humbling. It's like watching someone grow up in a matter of seconds.
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One of the big things I like about the blog is that I can look back and see what I was thinking about a couple weeks or years ago. A lot of the time I will see I've been chewing on the same problems or issues for a long time, but often I will see where I've made progress. And that's a good feeling.
Taking a look back 2 years ago on the blog I was trying to figure out what to do with myself after losing my job. I'd really just started working on the Gumshoe**. I was maybe just starting to work myself out of the rut my life had become.
But now. Now, it feels all different. I don't have answers to all the questions I've struggled with, and sometimes I feel like I've put off a lot of things (like getting a house and having kids). But ultimately, I am okay with that. I look at my parents. They were both never really thrilled with their jobs, and they took that personally. And I know that part of the way I reacted to my rut was due to their example. Not to be critical of them, but just to explain. I took it personally that I ended up doing filing jobs and I stopped feeling like I could do more. I submitted to the idea that the world, or fate, or God, or whatever was steering my life, knew where I belonged. And putting shit away was all I had to offer. I was well on my way to following in my parent's footsteps. And I was going to be miserable.
But now. On my worst day of law school, I know I'm going where I want to go, at least in a general way. I think I may find a job that will make me happy. And just that prospect is enough to make me smile. I mean, I don't know. I could end up doing miserable work for miserable people, I suppose. But, I don't think so. I think I'm on the right track now.
And sometimes I even think my time in the rut was worth it, if only because I can really appreciate the difference.
*Note 1. 13 inches in New York would've been the lead story on all the national network nightlies, and caused another terrible round of storm namings like, "snow-magedon", or "snow-poclypse". The nation would be inundated with stories about how hard this kind of strom is on people. In Minnesota, this storm was met with tired indignation, but also with the resolve to get shoveling before the snow gets heavier. The lesson? I don't want to use the word "whiney" or say things like "lack of perspective", but, you know...
**Note 2. I have been working on the next story, but one of the biggest problems with the last one is the lack of standard publication dates. People would forget about what happened and I think the story lost its momentum because of that. So, my plan is to have a couple episodes ready to go before I start throwing them up here. But, I hope people are at least a little excited about it.
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