It's odd. That's the truth about being a newlywed. It's odd.
It's not that I don't like it. I like being married very much, but it's still odd.
Coming to work like it's just another day is hard to reconcile for me. And everyone here asking me how it went, when most days they don't seem to notice me-that I find interesting. I think this gives them something personal to put to me. Something that makes me make sense to them. But I don't know. Eh.
Anyhoo.
The wedding went well. The only real drama happened Thursday when I got a call from my cousin. I was half expecting the call, because she's flaky. So, she calls and talks at me for half an hour. The upshot of the call was she and her fam couldn't make it, because she couldn't get the time off. The same time she told me a month ago that she had gotten off. Dicey, but, this was fine with me. I understand things happen. I felt a little bad for my mom, because I think she wanted some family there, but whatever. I wasn't sure how they'd deal with the situation and I wasn't really going to miss them that much. (Which maybe makes me a jerk, but whatever. They're nice people; they mean well. But. I don't have a close relationship with them.) This also meant that my Aunt (mother's sister) couldn't come. And this is where the drama starts. She calls me up in tears. She's so sorry. And she wishes things could be different. And I feel bad for her. And I say I'll see what I can do. So, I wrangled up another ride for my aunt (since that was what was keeping her from coming), by asking my sister to take her. My sister already does a lot for my Aunt and was understandably peeved about having to go out of her way to do a favor when my Aunt's daughter wouldn't or hadn't gone out of her way to come to my wedding. But I cashed in a favor and got my aunt a ride. (Yeah, I'm a real hero. But those of you there are probably thinking, 'I didn't see Joe's Aunt. What's the deal Captain Heropants?') So, I call her and tell her the good news. And what does she say? "I don't have a hotel reservation."
What?
"I don't have a hotel reservation." She's still teary and her voice is shaking. And I'm on the other side of Iowa, staring out the bathroom window of our room stunned.
I don't know if she just planned on staying with my cousin (though why couldn't she just use that reservation if it existed? My bet is it didn't exist), or whether she was trying to stay with us at the Bed and Breakfast or if she just wanted someone to make all the arrangements for her. It's probably a little bit of everything. But, I said I'd look into things again.
But, you know. This time. I didn't look. I suppose I should feel bad, but I called her back and told her the hotel where most of our guests were staying didn't have any rooms. She shot back, immediately, "Well, I guess I can't come." She didn't ask me to look anywhere else. She certainly didn't look herself. Just right into resignation.
And I tell this story not to rip my poor aunt. She has been through a lot these last couple of years. Her husband died. And our family has a history of not bouncing back from tragedy (and sometimes any change) very well. It's this history that frustrates and sometimes dominates me. I don't know exactly what it is that seems to make us this way. My instinct is to say it's a form of learned helplessness combined with our own personal flaws. For me it's a morbid fear of failure that keeps me from pushing harder to succeed. (And probably some other stuff.)
That was the most striking thing about being around a good amount of Dinah's extended family. They're successful, intelligent, wonderful people. They're warm and inviting. In short, they're awesome. And I definitely want my children to inherit the spirit they put out there. And I would like to start being more like them too, truthfully. Which is really the issue I'm trying to address.
I don't know what their secret is. But, I have a feeling it's not really a secret. They've just always been that way. So. I guess that means I have to start being that way (for my own sake).
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