As you may remember, I wrote a post about a month ago outlining three things I wanted to start changing for myself. I figured an update would probably be good for me, so I can have some record and accountability of everything.
The first thing I was working on was my weight. I wanted to lose 26 pounds. Well. I'm not really making progress there. Or none to speak of. I have been pretty good at excercising, but portion control has (as it always is) been hard for me. I'm down 2 pounds, which is good, but not where I was hoping. And some of this may be mitigated by some muscle I may have put on. I've been doing some weight and strength excercising. Maybe. I can't say for sure I've seen a lot of change in the way my body looks, but then again, I pretty much just stare right at my stomach.
The second thing was the stressing about work and other little things (like how much CTA sucks) that bother me and have a tendency to really bother me. Here, I've made some progress. I've been a lot better about being patient with everyone at work. Not perfect, but at least I've stopped letting people know when they're bothering me. Which is good for a lot of reasons. I've also really stopped worrying so much about a lot of little things (did I mention CTA is really horrible? But it's okay, they're gonna suck whether I am mad or not.), which is good.
But every now and again, I just lose all motivation and start to feel the resentment of my work situation. It still eats at me. So, I can say I've made cosmetic progress (which is good), but I can't say that I've made real progress. This is because I can't really be sure whether I should care about my work (which I was raised to do) or not give a shit (which seems to be what my employers want, I guess). Ideally, I'd like to care about my work. Do something with my time that means something. I think about my friends who are doing such amazing things, and I'm putting shit away. It bothers me. It's probably a lot of ego. But still, that's what I want. And with paralegal classes starting in a couple months, maybe I'll be on my way to having that. Hopefully.
But. Whether the classes get me feeling like I've got some movement (lack of paralysis) in my live or not, I'm kind of stuck here. The job market around here is crappy. (To put it nicely.) That and a couple other factors look like they'll keep me here till my program finishes up in August 2009. And when I think of it as 13 months, it feels like a prison sentence (which I admit is overly dramatic and self-indulgent). So, yeah. This is a work in progress.
The father sitauation. I've done nothing about this. I can't think of the best way to do this. I have to think about what it is I want from him. And how to best negotiate everything that has happened as well as things to come. And really, I have to figure out how to deal with his lady-friend.
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