Bears...

After what will be a long, hot, sticky week in the Twin Cities, I will actually get to start going to law school. Holy-goddamned-shit.

I don't really have much else to add to that, I guess. I am as ready for this as I expect I ever will be, so, yeah. I'm just gonna try to enjoy myself and start working on some of the assignments that have trickled out. I'm not freaked out right now. I'm just a little uncomfortable.

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One thing that might keep me from going to law school is camping. Yeah, for some reason, Dinah and I decided this would be a good weekend to be outside. Well, "some reason" was really, "I think if I'm here over the weekend I might freak out." But. Yeah the reality of spending time outside is hitting me.

Quick fact: mid-northern Minnesota is known for having bears, among other things. And not just the cute ones like the one pictured (from International Falls, MN). Which is fine, right? Bears are cool. They leave you alone if you leave them alone. Well, I'm not quite so sure now. In doing some planning, we checked to see if it would be okay to keep our cooler in the car, because, bears can't smell through cars, right? Oh. Bears can smell food through cars. They sure can. And if they smell food, they might not leave you alone. Which is awesome. So, of course, we check to see what we should do if we see a bear.

Apparently, we're supposed to be really loud and to throw rocks at it. Which makes sense. Whenever I see something that is stronger, faster and that has big sharp claws, as well as no sense of reason, my first instinct is to throw shit at it. Because, even though an angry bear is more dangerous than one just strolling by looking for a pic-a-nic basket, I at least want people at my funeral to say, "Joe put on his big-boy pants that day. Too bad that bear was bigger, stronger and faster than Joe." "Yeah, it would've been nice to have an open casket, but at least Joe hit that bear with a rock. My boy's a hero!"

I swear to God, when my brother was in boy scouts* he was told you were supposed to be quiet. Lay down and play dead. I mean, maybe the scoutmaster didn't like my brother very much. Considering the scoutmaster was my mom, this is entirely possible. Or it could be that bear technology has come a long way and now we know that bears aren't as stupid as we thought they were. I don't know. But it bothers me that now they haven't just modified the lay down and be quiet thing. It's not like they're telling us to lie down and throw your voice, so the bear thinks the tree is talking to him. That's a concession. It says, okay we weren't totally wrong about bears. The lying down part gets in their head, but you need some noise.

No, instead, they've reversed field and told us to give a frontal assault on the bear. It's only been 15 years since then. How could we have been so wrong?

So, yes, it is with an utter lack of confidence that I will trek into the woods this weekend. At least it should be cooler.

*Note 1. I never joined boy scouts. I don't really remember why, except I think when it came up I was going through my individualistic phase and joining this group of do-gooders didn't seem like it was for me. Mostly, I think this was for the best, but sometimes I wish I could tie those cool knots.