Law School Affirmation #3

I'm a little sick today. Nothing major, just a summer cold and a raw throat. Hopefully something I can get over quickly.

But it was because of this sickness I slept in this morning. So, when I finally awoke and looked at my clock, I freaked out. Noon. Holy crap. You see, any other day this summer this would not have been a big deal. I wasn't really working on anything. I was getting ready for law school, but that didn't involve getting up at any particular time. (Though I do want to say, I was usually up by 8 this summer.) Today though. I had decided today would be the day I tore the cellophane off the new books and started working on my assignments.

Ugh.

First off, I should say my brother-in-law (who is an attorney and went to law school not all that long ago) was a little weirded out when he heard I'd been given some of my law school assignments this early. He thought it was a little cruel to make us more anxious by giving us so much time to get our first assignments done. I see his point, but I think I was going to be anxious anyway, and I'm not sure knowing what needed to be done by the first day was going to make me more so.

But, he has a point. Because when I looked at the clock today, I felt my chest tighten and my heart start to race. I would say I started to sweat, but with this humidity, I was already sweating, so I can't say for sure that this had any effect on that. My plan was to start some reading before lunch, head home, eat and then finish anything else up in the afternoon. But now it was already the afternoon. So, of course, having a panic attack was the best way to go.

So I calmed myself down, fixed some lunch, took a shower and got my books together. I was at William Mitchell in by 1:30. And I've read my first assignment for Contracts on Thursday. And...I freaked out for nothing. It's not that the material is easy, but it's not some super abstract, crazy-hard to understand contract or anything. It's a text book. And it's the first chapter, so it's not like they throw you into the deep end and watch you cry.

See, here's the thing. I am somewhat prepared for some of this material. I went to paralegal school, not that long ago and was introduced to some of this stuff. Clearly not with the depth or clarity I'll need for law school, but it is helpful to have some exposure.

So, yeah, after reading through the chapter, taking notes and reviewing it, I can say, okay, this is going to be challenging, but I can do this. It reminded me of my first tour of Grinnell. The tour guide took us to Yonker Pitt where a friend of his was working on a paper for one of his seminars. The tour guide asked him how it was going and the guy said something about 15 more pages to write. I was already frightened just hearing the guy say the word seminar, but 15 pages? I had the feeling that I was not ready to do a 'seminar' and writing 15 pages seemed completely insane. Of course, we all see where that's going. I took 3 seminars at Grinnell. I wrote papers over 15 pages. And I graduated. Yay me.

But while this would lead others to look at new challenges in a different light, I felt myself having a similar reaction as the one I had when I was 18 and looking to live in a dorm room for the first time. Namely, "what the hell am I getting myself into?" and "I don't know if I can do this."

It hasn't helped that everyone talks about law school in the same way. 'You'll be really busy.' 'You won't have time to spend with your wife.' 'It's just a crazy busy time.' Clearly, I will be busy. Clearly, it will be challenging. But, I'm a smart guy. I want to be here. I want to work hard and accomplish a lot. And other people have been able to do it, so it's not like this is mission impossible. I don't know why I keep forgetting this. I don't know why I'm more comfortable doubting myself than taking a deep breath and just getting to my business.

I can do this. If I don't get killed by bears this weekend.